Boggle!
Hello Boggle. I have a question for you. How do you be a friend? I try making friends but I keep on getting stuck half way. It's always ends up being, "Would they like to be friends with me or just stay acquaintances?" I'm ok either way but its just the not knowing which one is what messes me up. Its like how do you hang out with people without appearing clingy? Be nice to someone without being weird or creepy? This not knowing feeling always leaves me feeling like I did something wrong.
Well, you know, the usual advice is “just go for it,” “what have you got to lose,” “ask them to go play laser tag with you because everybody loves laser tag,” etc etc. But I don’t get the impression that’s what you really want to hear?
I think maybe it will help to ask yourself if you want to be someone’s friend because you’re interested in them as a person, or if you only want to be their friend so that you’ll feel less lonely.
I think latching on to people to mitigate your own loneliness is what comes off as clingy or creepy. Because that’s using people, you know? And nobody likes how that feels.
But if you’re really interested in this person, and that invitation to laser tag comes from a genuine place, because you want to spend more time in their company, they’ll feel that too. And that’s a great feeling! We all want to know that people like being around us!
This is just my feeling, but I think if you approach your prospective friends with respect and sincerity, you can’t really go wrong!
How do you cope with acknowledging that there may be something really wrong with you? How do you not let a diagnosis define you?
Sometimes it’s hard! Especially when your disease stops you from working, or spending time with your friends, or working on hobbies, or, you know, all the other stuff you WANT to use to define yourself.
You guys know that I struggle with depression and anxiety. A “good day,” for me, is one when I can go outside without psyching myself up first. A “bad day” is one when I can’t make myself go outside at all. Sometimes I really want some M&Ms or something, but those are outside, so I don’t get any. It’s hard not to let that turn into the defining characteristic of my life.
But the way I think of it is like–okay, imagine there’s this person. They’re great. They’re smart, and funny, and they have interesting things to say; they’re just a wonderful person to have around.
Then you strap a 200 pound boulder to their back.
They’re still a wonderful person. They’re just a wonderful person with a 200 pound boulder on their back. That’s going to make a lot of things difficult for them! Like climbing stairs, or getting through doors, or going on second dates.
Some people will only see the boulder, too. They’ll be like, “Ugh, there goes Boulder Girl, holding up sidewalk traffic again.”
But not everyone is like that, and you don’t have to think of yourself like that. Yeah, the boulder is a big deal. It’s not like you’re ever going to forget it’s there. But there’s still a person under the boulder. You can be a good and interesting and funny person even though you have to deal with this burden.
It’s not fun, and I sure would like the boulder to go away, but I don’t feel like I’m any less valuable a human being for lugging this thing around, and neither are you.
Hi there Boggle, I'm Ralph from Daytona, FL. I have screwed up big time, I have turned people who were my friends away from me because of my behaviors. I regret the way I acted, but it's too late, I feel like they all hate me. I've never felt so hopeless. :( Are there any words AT ALL that you could give me to perk myself up and give me hope? Please write back if so. Take your time, being an owl is hard, I'm sure, but I look forward to your response.
I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can say to make this feeling go away. Regret is just a part of having a conscience. Although it doesn’t really help to hear it, I am proud of you.
I am sure you have apologized and tried to make amends. It sounds like you are scared that you won’t be able to fix the trust you broke no matter what you do. That is a miserable feeling, and I am very sad to say that it might be true.
I know you are a good person, and I know you deserve to have friends. But it is possible that you won’t get to have THESE friends anymore. Maybe some or even all of them will forgive you, with time. But if you are already doing everything you can to make things right, then whether or not they let you back into their lives is up to them. The sad fact is that you don’t always get to fix the things you break.
You will know lots of people in your life, and have lots of chances to get things right. Whether these friends forgive you or not, I know you will have people in your life who love you again. And I know that you will treat them with more care. I don’t know how to make you feel better right now, and I don’t even know if that’s wise. But if this feeling weren’t so awful, it wouldn’t be strong enough to make us change.
Take care of yourself out there.
Boggle are you there?
Yes, I am here! I am still reading all of your messages! I got a bunch of new ones all at once over the last two days, did I get linked from somewhere? I am working very hard on getting back into the right frame of mind to be able to update again, and I hope it will be very soon! I have been doing much better over the last week or two. Until then, I am thinking about you guys and this blog every day! Thank you all so much for your kind patience!
Boggle, my girlfriend went to the doctor and is finally on antidepressants! We have yet to see how they'll affect her, but this is such a step in the right direction, and I'm so proud of her for being brave enough to go!!!
That is such great news, anon! Please give her all my best wishes! She is SO brave for pushing through her fear and depression and getting herself on the path to treatment! Big cheers from all of us, and good for you for supporting her like this!
What is boggle the owl
I am not sure I understand the question, so here is a Boggle-owl getting ready for bath time. I hope this will suffice, since I can’t make a proper answer.
I’m hanging in there, you guys. I hope so are you. All my love and best wishes for the coming year.
It's Dec. 2. It's been six weeks since your last post. Are you all right? Can I help YOU in some way?
Hi everybody.
You have all sent so many kind messages asking if I’m all right, I figure the least I can do is say something. For the past two months, I have been very, very depressed. I keep hoping it will break, and it hasn’t. I am talking to my doctor about adjusting my medication, but these things take time. My depression is treatment-resistant and I have struggled with it for over ten years. It never really goes away, but it is rarely as bad as this. We are having money problems, which is I think what has set this off. I am sorry I’ve been gone. I love running this blog, and I miss all of you. Boggle is the first thing I want to get back to when this weight lifts.
I guess this is sort of the trade-off you get for following a blog about mental illness from somebody who actually suffers from mental illness; I’m not always well enough to run the blog. I wish I could be more reliable for you all. I want to be there for you, and maybe make things feel a little bit brighter for you, even if things aren’t very bright for me right now.
I know, when I am doing better than this, that I believe in people, and life, and the chance of recovery, and–on my best days–even myself. And I know that depression is a state of delusion, so anything I think now that I don’t think when I’m feeling better is certainly untrue. But right now that is something I have to take on faith, and that faith is all I have. I am sorry I don’t have more to give you. I will be back the minute that I do.
I hope you’re taking care of yourselves out there.
Boggle, I just love your blog! I'm writing for my college newspaper. Would you mind if I wrote an article about it? (all good things, of course!) I just really believe more people should know about you!
Wow, that’s really cool of you! Of course, go ahead!
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