So, you are probably wondering…and the answer is yes, I have been punched in the face by life. Not just once or twice, but many times. My guess is that there are many other people out there like me and sometimes we all just need to feel like we are not alone. We search for a connection to others who are journeying through their own tragedy and to me, this connection between our own pain and that of others is the beginning of the way toward hope.
So what’s this blog about? It’s about tragedy. But more importantly it’s about hope. Or maybe sometimes it will be more about tragedy, I’m not sure yet. All I know is that tragedy leaves us hurting badly and sometimes the only way to survive it is to connect to other’s hurting too. But my hope is that we find hope through exploring the depths of the human condition and the broken heart together. I write a lot, usually late at night because in the quiet darkness I can begin to process my own tragic events. Now I want to put my feelings out into the world, make sense of all the rantings of my heart.
Understanding tragedy is not my goal because I’ve already come to the realization that we cannot in fact understand it. I strongly believe that the harder we try to understand tragedy, the deeper we fall into our pain. I do believe that we can explore our reaction to tragedy, we can look intently at our feelings about it, and ultimately we can find a way to move through it. At least a lot of the time. And well, the times we cannot we can allow ourselves permission to feel it deeply through indulgence in the pain and the horror that life sometimes brings. We can allow ourselves to connect to our pain and to connect to others that move alongside us holding a pain of their own. We can indulge our thoughts and feelings. BUT we cannot do this forever, we cannot become addicted to our pain nor to the story of our tragedy. We must find a way to allow ourselves to move through it and to live the life we are left with.
The bereaved, the broken-hearted, those of us who endure tragedy will never escape it, will never forget it. The sooner we accept this and allow the circumstances to become a part of our story as a human being we can once again begin to become a part of the life that exists in front of us. We can become a part of the other side, the place where good things happen, where we feel and experience life, love, and happiness. Make no mistake, I do not believe this will get rid of or make the pain go away; it will allow us to begin to embrace it as a piece of who we are, because that’s the only person we’ve got.
I have not gotten to this place nor do I, or anyone I know, live there permanently. But I will try every day to get to this place where my pain and my joy can coexist. I will try as many times as I need to get back to that place. Some days it will be harder, sometimes I won’t have to try at all. But I am determined to explore matters of tragedy and hope and get as close to possible to the place where my past, my present, and my future can live in harmony.