warmau:

i feel so bad because i love this place and i love the people that have stayed with me on here but like hm

guess who decided no, tumblr is the hill ill die on

masterlist by @vvaloe • carrd

if you are in a state outlawing ab/rtion and need help click here.

*i am not warmau on kofi*

warmau:

taeil kissing taeyong on the lips is so important to me, because like, because like ! because like……..because like………………..

because you ask taeil teehee can i kiss yong and he just smiles and says only if i can too, and now you both can kiss taeyong all over…….all over. everywhere

warmau:

warmau:

warmau:

warmau:

let me just say……..vampire yeonjun

he’s accustomed to getting anyone he wants because vampires are the epitome of charm and he just so happens to be blessed by the human gods with a gorgeous face but somehow he’s developed a taste for a specific humans blood and that specific human doesn’t want anything to do with him in the ‘real world’ because they’re horribly down bad for their best friend since they were children huening kai even though kai is more oblivious than he was when he was seven years old

you’ve been pinning for kai since you can remember. going to first school dances together as “just friends” and spending nearly every weekend over at his place as his sisters tease you up and down for “dating” even though kai expresses icky disgust at the thought - the ways someone at 13 would if his siblings implied you were anything more than friends who like to play super smash bros together. but now you’re older, young adults, out in the real world where you’re plagued by the fact that all of high school you dated every person who had even an ounce of a similarity to kai and now in college you’re being hit with the reality tidal wave that it’s kai. you want kai. you’ve always wanted kai. and kai can’t stop talking about what he learned in his introduction to music theory class instead of making out with you sloppy in the library

cue yeonjun who is hunting for something pretty and wriggly to bite and you……….well you smell different, you smell like need and desire and desperation - the fear of loving someone who doesn’t love you back - and it drives yeonjun insane because that taste that he starts imagining. the taste of driving his fangs through the soft, warm skin of your neck is … delectable, unforgiven in its richness. the more you pine after your childhood best friend the more you become irresistible to the vampire who reels over you.

yes yes

hehe the more you fantasize about a relationship with the boy you’ve known since before romantic feelings were even palpable inside of you - the more you spend time daydreaming about sitting in his lap and running your fingers through his hair and feeling him breathe gently against the plane of your collarbone, long fingertips shy at the hem of your shirt - the more you squirm in your seat during lectures, double checking your phone to see if he’s responded to you. if you’ll see kai’s name flash across your screen and make your stomach spring to life with butterflies - the more yeonjun needs you.

the more you smell sweet, sugary, welcoming - you are everything that attracts him - you start to fill yeonjun’s mind like fog - he doesn’t see anything but you. your desire to be loved by someone, makes him salivate with hunger……..yeonjun pictures you spread out, tears prickling the corner of your eyes like gems because you ask him over and over “does kai love me? does kai love me?” as yeonjun whispers that he can do it instead, love you instead, devour all of you instead - all that love you have nowhere and no one to give to - he’ll take it. eat it completely up.

yeah…………………….yeah

sorry, oh my god, but when kai starts to fall in love himself. not with you of course, but with the person who sits next to him on the bus to class on thursdays - oh you are engulfed in a feeling that is as painful as it is new. and yeonjun can’t believe it - but you start to become even more addicting. this feeling inside you, that kills the bloom of love with vines that are thick and tangle around your ribs - yeonjun doesn’t know what to call it but it makes him dizzy, stumbling in an empty world that won’t regain meaning unless you let him bite you. unless you bare yourself to him, turn your cheek, expose the flesh of your neck - oh he feels pain too. right along with you, as you cry and wonder what it is about you that kai didn’t choose - oh it makes yeonjun’s body feel like it’s on fire…………connected by the doomed narrative of your existences ………………ohh you who will never be loved by your love, and yeonjun who can’t allow himself to love you when he knows you’d never let him close enough to lick the trickle of blood from the little wound on your finger……………..ahhhhhhh……………..wow………..

☆ commission: lovestruck!au jaemin
note: i do not know how to crochet so please bare with me

• there are three people in the crocheting club
• two are quiet, hermit type classmates that you have never heard make much more then a small noise or string together the syllables of their name in class
• and renjun - who looks you up and down when you come through the door with nothing but the pair of old crocheting needles you got from your grandmother and a ball of yarn that is….in his opinion…the ugliest shade of yellow to exist
• but then you sit down after a small introduction and get lost in your project, clumsily making it through your knots, and renjun softens to that
• the whole point of this club is to be alone, together
• you understand that without having to be told - meaning, you fit right in
• after a hectic day of trying to survive classes, the annoying and loud nature of the hallways, and of course all the other woes of youth - this place is a safe haven
• and then of course, na jaemin appears on a tuesday at exactly three fifteen sharp
• the way he opens the door is sudden and the energy he gusts in with him like a wind draws shudders from the two wallflower classmates, a look of disgust from renjun, and confusion from you
• “jaemin, this is the crocheting club are you looking for-”
• he flashes a big and white grin at you
• “then i’m in the right place!

✧

• jaemin is not good at crocheting
• to be honest, he can’t even sew
• he brings the wrong kind of needles with him and doesn’t have the slightest idea of what a pattern he’s interested in starting
• he just makes an offhanded comment about how he likes cats, the big and fluffy ones
• renjun’s voice waivers with nuisance as he tries to get jaemin on a more concrete path
• "well are you going to make a blanket with a cat, a hat with a cat, a pair of mit-”
• “whatever you think i should do!” jaemin grins and looks over his shoulder at you “woah, you’re in the club too?”
• the way he asks makes you think he already knew the answer before stepping through the door
• which is weird because……….jaemin isn’t your friend
• you guys are more like acquaintances by force
• he was your lab partner last year when he transferred from organic chemistry to biology 2 which he claimed was because the professor just didn’t understand him
• but you had heard from rumors floating around that the real reason he’d been switched was due to an secret experiment gone wrong that jaemin had been caught red-handed for
• you had debated asking him about it when you two were working together in class, but decided against it
• plus - jaemin was good at biology - like … really good … so far so that maybe his claim about just being disliked had merit
• because someone so talented and excited about science, couldn’t have failed and almost blown up a classroom like the rumor whispered about
• so keeping your curiosity to yourself, your just tried to keep up with jaemin
• who would get to the conclusion before you could even get past the hypothesis
• other than that, the most you’d ever really talked to each other was one time outside of the library
• you were waiting for a friend and jaemin had come down the hall, flanked by a group of rowdy friends of his, jaemin the center of all their attention
• when he’d spotted you he had smoothly pushed himself out of that frenzy and into your quiet, awkward personal space
• “you accidentally left this behind last period.” he’d fished your half done lab report out of his backpack “i kept it between two textbooks so it wouldn’t get crumpled.”
• as he handed it back to you, you immediately saw that beside your own work were scribbled notes in pencil
• “did you-”
• before you could ask your question, a hand had appeared on jaemin’s shoulder and pulled him back into the body of people taking up the entire hallway
• jaemin didn’t get a chance to look back at you, but you had watched him and everyone else disappear around the corner
• you remembered distinctly that one person, a girl with bright eyeshadow and a collection of keychains hanging from her bag had turned around to shoot one glare at you, and then jaemin and the rest of them were gone
• you had looked at the report, noticing that the comments in pencil were corrections to your work - but after each sentence there were a variety of tiny little scribbles
• some were smiley faces and others looked like attempts to draw some kind of cartoon characters
• even though the corrections were bluntly explaining how your line of thinking was wrong - the drawings had made jaemin’s sincerity obvious on the page
• he’s trying to help me, and still be silly about it
• you had remembered thinking: “that’s very…..jaemin of him.”

✧

• despite this one interaction and the scattered lab periods you’d shared, you didn’t have a moment where you felt as if you and jaemin had gotten anywhere near close
• not as friends, and not as anything more
• but yet - as the first session of crochet club that jaemin attends came to a close - he’s the one to corner you at the door and ask, with that smile never really leaving his face
• “can i walk you to the station?”
• “sorry - how did you know i take the train?”
• jaemin doesn’t look flustered, he just blinks at you as if it’s obvious that he should know this
• “i ride my bike to school, and you’re never at the bike rack. my path goes by the bus and you’re never at the bust stop - so, logically speaking, the train is it.”
• you have the tickling urge in your stomach to one up him
• “what if i walked to school?”
• he points to the pass case hanging off your bag that clearly displays the ticket you need every day to get on the train
• “then why would you always have that?”
• you open your mouth to think of some retort, but you really don’t have any, so you just look back at him
• “is there a reason you want to walk with me - is there something we need to talk about?”
• jaemin puts his hands hands in his pockets and shakes his head
• “nope. but you can also say no if you don’t want me to walk with you.”
• has anyone ever said no to him?
• you think, taking a pause to focus on his face
• when you look like that, with the added bonus of his height and the fact that being smart just comes naturally i would assume rejection isn’t even a possibility in his mind
• “no - i mean yes you can walk with me.”
• and look at me, falling right into the trap like everyone does
• jaemin gives you a thumbs up and turns his body to let you through the door
• the first couple of minutes it’s silent and you catch some double takes from other students
• renjun is at the front of the school when you pass and he raises an eyebrow as you kind of mouth a “i don’t know either?”
• then, when you’re out of the vicinity of the school, jaemin straightens up and stretches his arms over his head
• his shirt rides up and reveals the lean skin of his stomach and you involuntarily look up to pretend you didn’t see it
• “so - why do you like crocheting?” the question catches you off guard “from what i could tell today, it’s pretty boring.”
• “it’s not boring!”
• you argue, “it’s fulfilling, and good for your concentration. plus at the end you make something that you can use and that’s the most rewarding part.”
• “but you can buy a hat or a blanket anywhere. there are machines that make them one hundred times faster, and they’re cheaper to buy then spending money on the equipment and the yarn and-”
• you stop and jaemin walks a couple of feet ahead before realizing and turning back
• “why did you-”
• “if you just wanted to make fun of my hobby, why did you even show up to the club today? no one forced you to join us - and you could have left at any point.”
• a look of surprises washes over jaemin, and then he scratches his head and seems to understand that all he’s done is come of as a bit rude
• “no - sorry, it’s not my intention to criticize you. i just really wanted to know why you like it.”
• “lots of people like it. for lots of different reasons, just because something is boring to you doesn’t mean it’s boring to me. for your information na jaemin i don’t find science to be all that interesting but you love it right?”
• you aren’t sure where this is all coming from, a part of you think it’s just you exercising your right to tell this guy off for butting into your club unannounced
• and the other part is just that……jaemin is always so straightforward and simple. he’s always first to find a solution and for once maybe you want to get there first…just a one up against one of the most popular and intelligent students
• “well science isn’t boring, it’s infinite and ever changing. isn’t crocheting just doing the same thing over and over and over?”
• “there are different-” you stops before you start, the two reasons you have for this conversation suddenly seeming childish and unnecessary
• you glare at jaemin and stomp past him toward the station
• obliviously, he starts after you, but you point back toward the school
• “i would appreciate if you let me walk to the station alone now.”
• you don’t look at his expression as you continue on your way, muttering in your head about how stupid that all was
• jaemin watches you, but you don’t feel his gaze on your back, instead you fume a little on your way home
• but tell yourself that it doesn’t matter, ultimately - you won’t have to deal with jaemin again
• he won’t be showing up to your ‘boring’ club again anyway

✧

• jaemin is there before you are, chatting at one of the two quieter students as they stare at him like deer in headlights
• “basically, kiwi’s don’t have wings - but they’re still considered birds, but interestingly they have more in common with mammals an-”
• “jaemin” you get his attention and he smiles and waves at you as if everything is fine and as it should be. even though that’s clearly not the case “what are doing here?”
• he lifts his needles, “i’m here to crochet. this is crocheting club, right?”
• you cross your arms, “didn’t you tell me yesterday that you thought crocheting was boring?”
• “i did”
• “so then why are you here doing something boring when you have the choice to………well not be?”
• he stands up and you expect him to laugh, to turn this all into some joke that he’s been playing out in his head
• but instead he just gives you a clear smile
• “because my choice is to be here. i want to be here and i want to crochet with you.”
• a gasp comes from the other two students in the room - renjun walks up behind you at the exact moment jaemin makes the proclamation and snorts
• “so you’re here to flirt? could the two of you do it somewhere else?”
• “that’s not-” you start but jaemin tilts his head at you like a puppy awaiting your call
• “should we go crochet somewhere else? i want to continue our conversation from yesterday too.”
• renjun clicks his tongue, “oh your 'conversation’ from yesterday huh?”
• you feel heat on your skin from the eyes in the room and the absolute shameless way jaemin is staring straight at you with no intention of stopping
• “actually, i have to go home - i have…stuff to do.” you turn to make a beeline out of there, but in mere seconds jaemin has caught up with you with the cheery look on his face turned to concern
• “wait - what do you mean do stuff? i heard you tell renjun at lunch that you’re almost done with your scarf project and wanted to finish today at the club.”
• “oh so are you eavesdropping on me and my boring conversations now too? was not coming here to make fun of my boring hobby again not enough?”
• jaemin looks lost, which confuses you because what other explanation could there be
• “i was just near you in lunchroom and i never made fun of your hobby.”
• “jaemin, you literally asked me why i liked doing something so boring.”
• he takes a second and you’re reminded of a loading screen on a game or a computer
• “oh.” he starts, brown eyes finding yours again “i didn’t mean boring as a bad thing.”

✧

• you sit across from jaemin in the grass of a nearby park and watch him struggle through a couple of the first loops
• after a moment he groans and puts the needles down
• “it’s just not for me.”
• “you can’t say that just because you’re bad at it. everyone is bad as a beginner.”
• jaemin shakes his head, “most things are easy to understand for me - how can i understand cell division but i can’t understand how to make a square of fabric?”
• you try to suppress a giggle, but jaemin catches you and thins his lips in response
• “oh, is it funny that i’m not good at something you can do easily?”
• you shrug playfully, “kinda.”
• he leans back against the tree his bag and yours are resting on as well
• “i am sorry again…..i didn’t think i would offend you when i … said all that yesterday.”
• you rub your arm nervously, after storming out of the room with jaemin following you - you had been offended. mad, even.
• but you had fundamentally misunderstood jaemin
• he was just curious - as you had been when he was made your lab partner last semester
• curious about why he’d been switched, but also just curious about how someone could have so much fun in science class
• you didn’t have that kind of fun with it - you weren’t even interested in it really. you just had to pass the class.
• jaemin was doing the same here, he’d just been more vocal about it and had used the wrong word when he’d picked “boring”
• he had probably meant to say - why do you like crocheting? personally, it’s not easy and fun for me.
• which is a question lots of people have about it - and have asked you before
• “don’t apologize, you were just trying something new and wanted to know more about it i guess.”
• jaemin shakes his head
• “i was trying something new - but i was trying it because i heard you liked it. i wanted to try something you liked.”
• the words are simple and strung together without shyness, but you don’t really know how to take them
• “um - why?”
• “why what?” jaemin twists some of the yarn around his finger and then glances at you when you don’t follow up
• “why did i want to try something specifically you liked?”
• he continues for you and you nod, unsure of what to add
• he smiles and his teeth are pretty just like the rest of him
• “because i like you.”

✧

• you reply the conversation close to a hundred times in your head that evening
• “because i like you.”
• “sure, but you could have found another way to be my friend - you didn’t have to force yourself into croc-”
• “oh, sorry, let me say that again. i like you in the non-platonic kind of way.”
• jaemin’s voice hadn’t faltered, like with most things, he said this without a single hint of worry or lack of confidence
• you’d felt the inside of your mouth go dry as you repeated it slowly back to him
• “in the non-platonic kind of way?”
• “yes.” he’d taken the two crocheting needles and pressed the edges of the top sides together “like in this way, you know?”
• you’d imagined he was mimicking kissing, but your mind halted that thought because - well - then that meant that na jaemin was implying that he wanted to kiss you
• “are you being serious?”
• was all you could think to say, the words tumbled out of you without a filter
• “pretty serious.”
• he’d tilted his head and done the whole puppy awaiting your command look that probably sent most people head over heels within seconds
• but just kept you sitting there almost dumbly confused
• “you don’t have to give me an answer now, and don’t worry if you don’t feel the same - just tell me how you really feel when you decide.”
• you sit up in bed and ball your fists around your covers
• “when i decide? decide what? decide that i -”
• you say it outloud and into the darkness of your room before groaning and falling back into your pillows, one hand thrown over your eyes
• “not like i have a choice in deciding, it’s you jaemin……of course, i like you too.”

✧

• jaemin is talking with renjun when you show up to the club the next day
• and renjun throws a glance your way that immediately reads: please help me get away from this weirdo
• jaemin waves at you casually, and it almost makes you forgot what happened yesterday
• you sit down at one of the empty desks and take out your nearly completed scarf
• looking at it, you nod to yourself, and focus on finally finishing
• jaemin stays the entire time too, and you can see from the corner of your eye that he’s trying out the technique you’d been showing him yesterday
• he catches your gaze once and smiles, but goes back to his work
• half thankful that he isn’t sliding himself in beside you to talk while you work (or, more importantly - ask you for your answer)
• but also half confused at how calm he is even after confessing
• you let yourself get lost in your work and when the club ends, renjun and the two other students leaving before you and jaemin do
• you look down at the scarf that’s complete and then turn to the desk where jaemin is
• he’s fallen asleep on top of his attempt at making….well you aren’t sure
• and you get up to wake him
• but before you put a hand on his shoulder, you take in the image of him - laying his head on his arms, uniform sleeves rolled up to his elbows
• he’s got a serene expression, as if he’s having the best dream in the world, his bangs falling over his eyes and tickling the desk beneath him
• even like this his jawline is sharp and handsome, his breathing is even and his long legs are stretched out past the desk beneath him
• he doesn’t look like he belongs here, in this room with you, but somewhere else
• somewhere ethereal and beautiful
• which makes what happened yesterday feel like it isn’t real either
• you suddenly feel like you shouldn’t disturb him
• which also make a sinking feeling in your stomach rise as you wonder if you should just …… say no. maybe, rejecting jaemin is the right choice for the both of you because -
• you clutch the scarf in your hands
• because you and him don’t fit. like failed science experiments, or a badly crocheted pair of socks
• “i’m sorry.” you start - in a small voice “i’m sorry, but i don’t think i should like you back.”
• “that’s silly.”
• you startle and look down to see jaemin opening his eyes and blinking back sleep
• “you were aw-”
• “oh! you finished.” he points to the scarf and you reflexively let him take it out of your hands
• he unravels it and gasps, “it looks even better than the ones in stores. are you going to give it to someone?”
• i was going to give it to you. i was going to be selfish and say, of course i like you back. you of all people should be smart enough to know that.
• but you’re quiet in response and jaemin’s eyes flicker a little as the dimming light outside trickles throughout the room
• “so what did you mean by that, by thinking you shouldn’t like me back?”
• “jaemin-” his name sounds too soft when it leaves your mouth “we’re different, i don’t think we would work out.”
• “but you haven’t tried.” he gets up and smiles “you haven’t even given it a try.”
• he dangles the scarf up beside him, “you probably didn’t think you could make this when you started - but look at you now. you made this.”
• he places the scarf gently onto the desk, as if it’s going to break if he mistreats it
• “and i wouldn’t have half as much fun doing the same experiments over and over again, never trying something new to get a new conclusion.”
• he opens his arms wide and you look at him with a wrinkle of your forehead
• “so don’t say you shouldn’t like me or i shouldn’t like you. just like me freely, like i like you. without inhabitation - and let’s see what happens!”
• for a minute the world stops and you and jaemin are alone in it
• without another thought, you walk right into him, throwing your arms around his waist
• for the first time you feel through the contact that he’s surprised, but then his arms close in around you
• “the scarf was for you by the way.” you mumble into the front of his shirt “i hope you like it.”
• he let’s go of you with one hand, the other still securely wrapped around you as he puts the scarf on
• “i love it, i’m going to wear it all the time.”
• “even in the summer?”
• “even in the summer.”

✧

• somehow jaemin doesn’t seem to be as aware of the shock that pulsates through your school when you both walk in holding hands
• and maybe it’s the fact that jaemin is sticking to his word, walking around with your scarf around his neck despite being inside
• but you’re sure it’s actually because na jaemin is dating someone.
• and that someone is you
• the only people who aren’t surprised are the crocheting club
• renjun just gives you the, him? well if you’re sure look and the two other members speak their first full sentence to you: “you guys look cute together.”
• jaemin swings by the club a couple of more times with you, but it’s mostly just to stare as you work
• you don’t mind it - but you encourage him to join a club of his own that does things that he’s interested in
• “but i still want to learn to crochet, you like it and i want to understand it.”
• you put your hands over his and lean up to peck him right on the lips
• “that’s nice of you, but i think we can appreciate the things we both like …. even if we don’t do them.”
• “you just don’t want me to get you involved in my science stuff right?”
• you sheepishly give your answer with a sidelong look away from him
• jaemin laughs and presses his lips to your cheek, kissing twice toward the tip of your nose and then spinning you into his arms for one more kiss on the lips
• but jaemin, surprisingly, is serious about learning more
• so sometimes you sit inbetween jaemin’s legs, crocheting and humming to yourself as he rests his chin on your shoulder transfixed at your movements
• you explain them and then let him take over, his long arms coming over yours and taking the needles
• he’s clumsy and it’s taking him some time to get used to it
• but with practice, you’re sure he will get be better
• one afternoon as you’re sitting together like this - jaemin rests his chin on your shoulder
• “want to know when i started liking you?”
• you stop your work and enthusiastically nod - you had never asked him, but you definitely always wanted to know
• “so, i was taking organic chemistry and we were learning about reactions, addition reactions - adding atoms to unsaturated molecules - talking about the importance of modifying existing organic compounds.”
• “jaemin - human words”
• he laughs, “talking about how adding something to something that already exists and making it something different.”
• “ok…go on.”
• “and i thought, what’s something new i can add to myself to make myself new? i couldn’t think of anything. long story short, i talked to the professor i had about it and he wasn’t impressed with it. he said something about how biology might suit me better if i was interested in 'how humans change’.”
• you look over your shoulder, “so you didn’t blow up the lab like everyone says you did?”
• “nope, but when i left his office that day i passed by the crocheting club room and i saw you.”
• you feel jaemin’s hands wrap a little more tightly around you
• “and i had this feeling in my chest that something in me changed - just by looking at you. turns out that to my luck you were in biology two and after transferring i got to be your lab partner.”
• he nuzzles his face against your neck and you gently graze your fingers up and down his arm
• “each time we worked together, something inside of me was changing. maybe not a cellular level - but i felt new every time and i didn’t want to let those feelings go when the semester did so - i found you where i’d seen you first.”
• you take in every word, but ask - “but, how did you know that change was-” you hesitate but jaemin says the word against your neck
• “love?” he lifts his gaze back to yours
• “because it was the only definition i could give to the change inside of me. and sitting down with you in crocheting club, walking you to the station, and telling you how i felt - proved my theory.”
• you look at his eyes - as clear and as truthful as they always are - the beautiful brown a lighter hue in the light
• “that there was a new me, a new me that loves you.”
• when he presses his lips to yours - you want to say it back, you want to fill the entire world with it
• i love you too, silly.

☆ commission: cat cafe!au x lovestruck!au juyeon
note: you’re the lovestruck one in this

• you’re not sure when it starts
• maybe the day you get silver in, the skinny grey tabby who skittishly avoids every patron, settling into a small ball of fur on the top perch of one of the cat trees
• the only human allowed to handle her is juyeon, who talks to her quietly and soothingly and who can hold her in the palm of one hand
• maybe it’s the weekend you get a whole group of university girls - colorful and loud - flirting endlessly over cat treats and milk tea with juyeon because he’s nice and doesn’t know the difference between friendly and a little too friendly
• or maybe there isn’t a way to pinpoint the beginning of your feelings because they’ve just been inside you for so long that the root is impossible to trace
• you look at juyeon from over the register, watch him pick up cat toys and empty glasses from customer ordered drinks
• you notice him stop for a second to let silver take a tentative few steps toward him before she’s nudging against his ankle with her small head
• and you just…………feel……………..warmth
• he turns to call out to you, and your eyes drop down to the counter because ever since it - whatever this is - started
• you cannot fathom ever letting juyeon know
• “do you still want me to go out and buy litter today?”
• you glance at the clock on the wall, shaped like a cat, tail swinging languidly
• “it’s almost nine so i’ll just do it tomorrow when i open.”
• “sure.” he smiles and your chest gets all toasty with adoration “don’t pick anything too heavy.”

✧

• on your way home, you scroll aimlessly through your photos to check which brand to get in the morning when your finger stops on one photo in particular
• your first week at the cat cafe
• the owner is posing next to you with a big grin, to his left is eric who is doing an enthusiastic v-pose, and then to your right is juyeon
• he’s wearing a white tshirt underneath his apron, black hair pulled back under a baseball cap, blue jeans and sneakers
• he doesn’t even try and still manages to be the most handsome man i’ve ever seen
• the train jolts and your finger leaves the photo, scrolling up to some other photo
• this one is just you, taken by a friend at some outing
• does he look at me at all? does he look at me the way i look at him?
• you lock your phone and sigh, these feelings inside of you can continue to grow but you are sure you won’t ever let them bloom into anything. especially not something juyeon can ever see.
• the next morning, you find yourself in a match with the twenty-five pound bag of litter
• you had lifted it at the nearby store and thought to yourself, incorrectly, that you would make the trek back to the cafe with no issues
• half a block you had been puffing - dropping the bag as carefully as possible to the sidewalk
• “one of the cats is twenty five pounds, why does this stupid bag feel like it’s a hundred?”
• you catch your breath as a long shadow suddenly obscures your own
• “i knew you would overdo it.”
• you straighten up and see juyeon
• “juy- your shift doesn’t start till three in the afternoon?!?”
• he surveys the bag and the little beads of sweat on the side of your face.
• without a word, he picks up the bag and throws it over his shoulder like it’s absolutely nothing
• “i’ll help you bring this in.” he outstretches his free hand to you as if to ask if you need help getting stable
• you shyly shake your head and he waits as you adjust
• the walk to the cafe is quiet.
• it’s early, and the start of the weekend, so shops are opening but there isn’t a crowd yet
• “don’t be scared.”
• you freeze - don’t be scared? did i mishear him?
• “sorry?”
• juyeon’s expression is unreadable when you look at him for confirmation
• his clean skin and pretty eyes radiate calmness. his lips in a slightly upturned curve.
• “don’t be scared to ask me for help. you’ve been at the cafe for a while now, the cats like you and i-”
• you……like me……….too?
• “and i appreciate anyone who is fond of cats like i am.”
• oh. right.
• you laugh awkwardly, covering your mouth out of habit.
• “ok, i will. sorry to bother you before your shif-”
• juyeon’s long fingers wrap around your wrist and you stop in the middle of the street
• gently, as if he’s handling a kitten, he pulls your hand from your face
• “you should never hide your laughter.”
• it’s random, uncalled for even - people don’t just say things like that in the middle of a conversation
• but juyeon does it as if it’s the most normal reaction
• and he just blinks when you stare back at him - heart hammering in your chest
• “r-ri-right, i won’t. but um - will you go back home since you’re not scheduled till three?”
• juyeon shrugs and you two resume walking
• the store is on the next block and when you get to the door, juyeon shifts the bag from one shoulder to the other
• “do you need any help opening?”
• you fumble with the key, the feeling of his gaze makes you a little dizzy
• “n-no i think i have it. you should go back home and get some more sleep.”
• he nods and follows you inside, placing the litter by the door
• without another word to you, he enters the part of the store where the cats are
• you pretend to busy yourself with organizing the little chairs in the cafe section, but secretly you watch as he heads right toward the little corner that silver has made her home in
• he stands there - seemingly checking if she’s awake - and you see him outstretch his hand
• always so patient, no wonder she picked him as his favorite. i would too.
• you shake your head at the thought, as if to get it out of your head, busying yourself with the usual duties
• juyeon emerges a couple of minutes later and waves at you as he opens the door
• “i’ll be back at three.”
• “ok!”
• and nothing else.
• you realize only after it’s quiet and you’re all on your own again that you didn’t get to ask juyeon what in the world he was doing here so early
• was he jogging around the neighborhood? did he get up early to go to the same pet store…for a pet he doesn’t have? or …….. or…….. had he been thinking about you?
• you bite back your lip, wondering if its selfish to even have the thought
• the thought that juyeon, perfect juyeon, everyone’s crush juyeon - could possibly have been laying in his sheets this morning and thinking about going out to check on you
• as if to answer you, you hear a loud and annoyed meow
• “right. breakfast.”
• you mumble and let your thoughts about what could or could not have happened this morning find a shelf in the back of your mind

✧

• three o'clock comes by even faster than you expect
• juyeon comes in, followed by always energetic eric
• before you even get a chance to greet them - eric comes bounding toward you with shining eyes
• “i heard you totally couldn’t even lift ten pounds of litter this morning!”
• you deadpan at him, “it was twenty-five pounds.”
• he shakes his head, hands on his hips, “job requirement says you have to lift fifty pounds or more! i’m telling the boss!”
• an obvious joke, you roll your eyes, but juyeon furrows his eyebrows as he joins you
• “eric - don’t tell the boss that. i don’t want them to get in trouble.”
• you and eric both look at him a little dumbfounded, trying to find a hint of sarcasm in his tone
• but juyeon is completely genuine. as he always is.
• eric burst into laughter, “dude! i was just playing, teasing!”
• he shoves into juyeon’s shoulder, who just sways with surprise
• “oh.”
• you giggle, lifting your hand up to your mouth again, but stopping - remembering juyeon’s soft voice in the morning
• you should never hide your laughter
• juyeon’s eyes waiver for a moment, from your awkward hand to your lips, or maybe you just imagine it
• because he turns and lets you deal with eric’s presence by yourself as he lets himself into the cat enclosure
• as eric talks a million miles a minute and you help a group of new customers, you second guess the events of the day in your head again
• there’s no way he would go out of his way to see me this morning. it was just a coincidence. it has to be just a coincidence. juyeon has never shown any kind of interest toward m-
• “oh shit!”
• the exclaimed voice belongs to eric, who pushes past the register and approaches you with big, sparkling eyes
• which can only mean one thing
• “can you cover the rest of my shift? pleaaaaaaaase!”
• you huff, “why?”
• he tries to make himself all cute and sweet, “it’s an emergency! for reaaaaaaal! i promise, i’ll owe you!”
• you don’t know how much you believe this ‘emergency’ - and you’ve been here since the early morning.
• you’re tired, you don’t even have tomorrow off, and you were looking forward to catching the latest episode of a drama you’ve been into
• but
• the cat enclosure opens, and juyeon walks out. behind him is a customer that’s clearly starstruck by him.
• “let me go get the adoption form.” juyeon tells them and the big, fluffy orange cat in his hands purrs
• the customer nods and as juyeon passes you and eric, he lifts the cats paw in acknowledgement
• how is he the cutest person ever.
• “so will you do it? i’m sorry to ask but i gotta go like now if you can!”
• another…what….four hours with juyeon? till closing?
• “fine. but you’re taking my early morning next week.”
• “deal!” eric is already undoing his apron and rushing toward the back for his stuff

✧

• juyeon only registers that you’re still here about an hour later.
• busy with the adoption procedure, when he waves off the customer with their new pet, he turns and his eyes widen innocently
• “i thought you left?”
• “eric had an emergency.”
• concern overtakes the look of shock
• “have you taken a break yet? did you eat?”
• you remember the sad excuse you had for lunch and shake your head
• “sit down, i’ll take care of everything till closing.”
• the way he says it - the words are clear, calm like midday waves
• “it’s ok -”
• juyeon is already pulling a chair from the cafe area behind the register
• you sit only because juyeon doesn’t seem to look like he’s going to move if you don’t
• “we need to clean before we clo-”
• “i can do it.” he leans down and for a second the world stops. his face gets so close you can smell whatever detergent he used on his tshirt.
• picking some lint from your apron strap, he straightens up.
• you feel like your head spins back into a moving world
• cutest person ever, with no sense of personal space. great. i pick the best ones.
• “the cats were good today. it won’t take long.”
• you make yourself a cup of water and take one of the candy bars from the front to nibble on as you wait for the last party of people to finish playing with the cats
• juyeon floats back and forth between helping inside and making the odd drink order
• you get up to help and he just points at the chair without a word
• stuck there, all you can do is observe
• usually you do it in secret, only flinging little peeks over at him when you think he’s too distracted
• but today - you just watch. and juyeon let’s you.
• whenever he catches you, his lips curl into just the smallest smile or he asks if you’re ok and need him for anything
• it’s oddly intimate
• finally, with the crowd gone, you tally up the cash in the register and juyeon wipes down the tables
• he disappears for a moment only to come over to you with a small ball of fluff in his hands
• “silver?” you ask, looking at the familiar white stripe down her back
• juyeon nods and use one finger to caress her, she mewls and tucks her head into his skin
• “she doesn’t trust me yet.” you say with a sad smile “i think you’re the only one she likes right now.”
• he steps closer and outstretches his cupped hands
• “she might hiss-” you start, but juyeon shakes his head as if he’s well aware that she won’t
• “she’s comfortable with you.” he states like it’s a fact “the person she’s still timid around is eric because he’s……”
• juyeon pauses like he’s embarrassed to say something mean about another person
• “he’s loud.” you finish his sentence, adding a - “but he’s just born that way.”
• you take in a small breath and lean closer, silver wiggles in juyeon’s hands and turns to face you, big blue eyes borrowing into your own
• when you let the pad of your finger grace the top of her head - she blinks slow
• and then tucks herself back into juyeon
• “see, she doesn’t mind it.” he looks at her with a fondness juyeon seems to reserve only for animals
• his usual look of soft uninterest is gone, his eyes are full of care and love
• you hate to admit the pang of jealousy that circles around your heart as he takes silver back to the other cats
• is there a person in your life that you look at with those eyes? are they the luckiest person in the world?

✧

• juyeon waits as you lock the door, and he’s still waiting when you’re done and start your walk toward the train
• “don’t you live in the other direction?”
• you start and then realize that that might sound weird, but, as always, juyeon seems unaffected
• “it’s dark out so i’ll walk you to the train. you worked almost twelve hours so i’m worried.”
• you shake your head, stopping on the sidewalk
• “no - it’s ok, really! i don’t want you to have to make the walk there and back-”
• juyeon blinks at you slowly, for a second he looks just like sleepy and comfortable silver
• “i’ll walk you. i don’t mind.”
• you resume your steps just because you think protesting more won’t get you anywhere
• as calm and serene as juyeon is, you can never really win against him. like a rock - unnervingly silent and impossible to move.
• half way to the train the silence makes your nerves bubble up to the surface and you spit out the question that’s been nagging you all day
• “wha- what were you doing near the pet store this morning?”
• you hold the strap of your backpack tightly as the words come out
• “were you on a morning run or-”
• juyeon tilts his head from the night sky to match your gaze
• “i was looking for you.”
• for a second time you bring yourself to a full halt
• “so - you went there on purpose?”
• juyeon’s confusion is as clear as day on his handsome features
• “of course? i knew you’d pick something heavy and so i got up early to meet you. isn’t that what you do? when you care about someone?”
• “c-care about someone?”
• possibly one hundred thoughts race through your mind at once and a hot feeling starts to crawl up your neck
• care? as in …… as in care about me as a co-worker? as a friend? as a silly person in his life that he assumes (correctly) will make silly decisions - what in the world is he talking about?
• juyeon puts his hands in his pocket and, for the first time in your life, you see him bashfully drop his eyes to the ground
• “i - i care about you because i like you.” he lets himself after a moment find your gaze “isn’t it obvious?”
• “……..obvious……..”
• the word drops from your lips in stunned disbelief and juyeon gives you a smile that you commit to memory forever
• “y-yes? aren’t i always being obvious around you?”
• you try to think of the time that you’ve know juyeon - that you’ve known the soft spoken, considerate, polite, a little dense but otherwise incredibly smart, perfect man you know and no. no not once has he shown any “obvious” interest toward you
• “i mean, no? i’m the blubbering idiot that’s obviously in love with you!”
• it comes out on reflex and juyeon’s eyes go wide to match the moon that hangs above you two
• “oh- oh! you - you also like me? i mean…love me….?”
• clamping your hands over your mouth - you lurch forward in a run
• juyeon calls your name in surprise, but you can’t even turn to face him
• you wave your hand above your head
• “i’ll see you tomorrow! sorry!”
• juyeon does the kindest thing possible and doesn’t follow after you
• you spend the entirety of the train ride home staring at your phone screen completely zoned out
• aren’t i always being obvious around you?
• “we’re both just dumb…..that has to be it……”

✧

• eric is smiling from ear to ear when you come in and you know that means one thing: juyeon told him everything
• the second you put your things down, eric is pushing you toward the storage room and shutting the door right behind you
• “you can’t come out until you’re dating!”
• the words are swallowed up in your mind to the sight of juyeon standing there
• he looks at you and his long fingers tap against each other behind his back
• “i-”
• “i-”
• you both start and then immediately bristle like a pair of newly introduced cats
• “i didn’t know!” you blurt out, heart starting to pick up a racing pace in your chest, “i didn’t know you also liked me so if it’s ok with you-”
• juyeon, to no ones surprise, wears his heart on his sleeve
• “if it’s ok will you go out with me?”
• he bends down at the waist, as if he’s thanking you and not asking you to date him
• you were about to ask the same thing, but the absurdity of the situation just elicits a hiccupping laugh from you
• “y-yes” you say, repeating it through giggles “yes, i will!”
• you are about to cover your mouth again, when juyeon’s fingers wrap around your wrist delicately
• and you look at him, as he starts to laugh too
• when you open the door - eric gives you two an expectants
• “well?”
• juyeon opens his mouth, but nothing comes out - so you put your hands up
• “you said we couldn’t come out till we started dating and well….”
• eric’s shout of happiness makes all the cats stir, soft meows and pads of their paws against the glass
• you’re not sure when this crush started - when juyeon’s started either - but you’re happy to know that somehow down the line your hearts opened up to each other like this.

thethief1996:

I can’t stop thinking about the news out of Palestine. Israel is sieging al Shifa hospital. Videos of people’s limbs being severed off are haunting (graphic video tw). The hospital has ran out of fuel and 39 babies in incubators are fending for their lives by themselves, because Israel has stationed snipers around the hospital and is shooting all medical crew that walks into their sight.

First, the narrative was Israel would never bomb hospitals. Now, the hospitals are Hamas bases. Then, we respect journalists. Now, we have a fucking kill list of journalists because they are Hamas collaborators. First, we are not letting fuel in until the hostages are released. Now, we are not accepting the hostages back because that would stop our ground invasion and let Hamas win. And I could go on about every single lie they’re making up. If you look up “Hamas rape” on google, the first link leads to Times of Israel saying Israel has found no forensic evidence of sexual violence, and only one eyewitness testimony out of 3.5k people attending the rave. If you Google “Hamas beheaded babies” the top links say they have no evidence for the claim besides word of mouth from extremist soldiers. Israeli extremists think about the ugliest goriest scene they can make out in their sick heads, tell that to a international journalist and they run away with it like it’s gospel.

And children are being killed in the name of these lies. Thousands are being displaced in images that remind me of the pictures of Tantura 75 years ago, with their hands up so the tanks don’t shoot them. Amputees are leaving the hospitals in wheelchairs hours after their surgeries because they are being shot at. Elders who survived the Nakba on 48 are having to walk towards Southern Gaza on foot (imagine walking from one end of your city to the other on foot), displaced again. People are cheering for the haunting images of white phosphorus bombs being dropped over Gaza. Gazan workers who were arrested in the West Bank are being thrust back into the bombings wearing numbered labels.

This is not normal. We are seeing the early stages of the settler colonial genocide of an indigenous population. Native leaders who have visited Gaza say its refugee camps look eerily like reservations. We can stop this. For the first time we are able to see wide scale accounts from the hands of the people suffering the genocide, and Israel is so scared of it they have cut all communications in Gaza.

This is our litmus test. I think we have never seen more clearly, with Palestine, Armenia, Congo and Sudan how colonialism has made our world a rotten place to live in.

The South African apartheid collapsed due to boycotts. We have to do everything in our power to stop Israel’s hegemony. Even talking to a group of friends about Palestine changes the status quo. There’s no world where we can live peacefully if Israel accomplishes their goals.

Keep yourself updated and share Palestinian voices. Muna El-Kurd said every tweet is like a treasure to them, because their voices are repressed on social media and even on this very app. Make it your action item to share something about the Palestinian plight everyday. Here are some resources:

• Al Jazeera, Anadolu Agency, Mondoweiss
• Boycott Divest Sanction Movement
• Palestinian Youth Movement is organizing protests and direct action against weapons factories across the US
• Mohammed El-Kurd (twitter / instagram)
• Muhammad Shehada (twitter)
• Motaz Azaiza (instagram) - reporting directly from Gaza.
• Hind Khudary - reporting directly from Gaza. Her husband and daughter moved South to run from the tanks but she stayed behind to record the genocide. The least we can do is not let her calls fall on deaf ears.

You can participate in boycotts wherever you are in the world, through BDS guidelines. Don’t be overwhelmed by gigantic boycott lists. BDS explicitly targets only a few brands which have bigger impact. You can stop consuming from as many brands as you want, though, and by all means feel free to give a 1 star review to McDonalds, Papa John, Pizza Hut, Burger King and Starbucks. Right now, they are focusing on boycotting the following:

• Carrefour, HP, Puma, Sabra, Sodastream, Ahava cosmetics, Israeli fruits and vegetables
• Push for a cultural boycott - pressure your favorite artist to speak out on Palestine and cancel any upcoming performances on occupied territory (Lorde cancelled her gig in Israel because of this. It works.)

If you can, participate in direct action or donate.

• Palestine Action works to shut down Israeli weapons factories in the UK and USA, and have successfully shut down one of their firms in London.Some of the activists are going on trial and are calling for mobilizing on court.
• Palestinian Youth Movement is organizing direct actions to stop the shipping of wars to Israel. Follow them.

Educate yourself. Read into Palestinian history and the occupation. You can’t common sense people out of decades of propaganda. If your arguments crumble when a zionist brings up the “disengagement of Gaza”, you have to learn more.

• Read Decolonize Palestine. They have 15 minute reads that concisely explain the occupation (and its colonial roots) and debunk popular myths, including pinkwashing.
• Read on Palestine. Here’s an amazing masterpost.
• Verso Book Club is giving out free books on Palestine (I personally downloaded Ten Myths about Israel by Ilan Pappe. If you still believe in the two states solution, this book by an Israeli professor debunks it).

Call your representatives. The Labour Party in the UK had an emergency meeting after several councilors threatened to resign if they didn’t condemn Israeli war crimes. Calling to show your complaints works, even more if you live in a country that funds genocide.

• FOR PEOPLE IN THE USA: USCPR has developed this toolkit for calls, here’s a document that autosends emails to your representatives and here’s a toolkit by Ceasefire in Gaza NOW!
• FOR PEOPLE IN EUROPE: Here’s a toolkit by Voices in Europe for Peace targeting the European Parliament and one specific for almost all countries in Europe, including Germany, Ireland, Poland, Denmark, Sweden, Netherlands, Greece, Norway, Italy, Portugal, Spain, Finland, Austria, Belgium Romania and Ukraine
• FOR PEOPLE IN THE UK: Friends of Al-Aqsa UK and Palestine Solidarity UK have made toolkits for calls and emails
• FOR PEOPLE IN AUSTRALIA: Here’s a toolkit by Stand With Palestine
• FOR PEOPLE IN CANADA: Here’s a toolkit by Indepent Jewish Voices for Canada

Join a protest. Here’s a constantly updating list of protests:

• Global calendar
• Another global calendar (go to the instragram of the organizers to confirm your protest)
• USA calendar
• Australia calendar

Feel free to add more.

☆[nostalgic] summer romance!au mingi
birthday present for an atiny! | other ateez aus

• your friend had swore up and down that your summer getaway plan was going to be exactly that 
• a getaway
• in your mind the definition of ‘a getaway’ was crystal clear
• you and your close friend were going to rent a room together on the coastline of the beach and spend an entire week just enjoying each others company and soaking up the sun
• so why two new additions had been made to this “getaway” was beyond your comprehension
• why one of them was a total stranger was perhaps the most baffling part of it all
• “his name is song mingi and he’s yunho’s best friend! and yunho swears he’s cute - so really i think it’s a great opportunity for the both of us!”
• they smile at you with zero shame and you blink back
• “no, this is a great opportunity for you - because out of the both of us - you are the one in love with yunho and i’m just a bystander dragged into the rut.”
  
• the lack of humor in your voice seemingly floats over their head because they burst into a giggle and swat at your shoulder
• “i’m not IN LOVE……..not yet……..not until i know that he feels the same w-oh my god they’re coming! turn around!”
  
• they pivot you but your shoulders and you fold your hands across your chest as a reflex
• you are not happy about this and you are more than ready to ruin the mood so everyone knows that
• until you look up and behind yunho’s gleaming grin and broad shoulders is a person that you swear cannot be real
• he’s nearly as tall, and nearly as wide as yunho
• with sharp edged features that you’ve only seen on high fashion models
• his eyes are dark and curtained by long lashes that are the same color as his long bangs sans for the messy but perfectly placed blonder highlights in between the strands
• he’s holding one duffel bag over his shoulder with ease and a pair of glasses are tucked into the worn collar of a white basic tshirt
• your throat suddenly feels dry and you can’t even remember your own name
• “oh! this is mingi by the way, thanks for letting him come along!”
  
• yunho’s eyes shift down to you and you do your best to return his gaze without toppling over
• “r-right.”
  
• the train ride is only about an hour and a half long, but it feels like it takes forever
• your friend and yunho seemingly have the world to talk about - they’re the quintessential ‘when will they?’ kind of slow burn that everyone knows is bound to happen
• but you and mingi are……..nothing.
• you just met, and you aren’t great at new people and from the way he’s kept his head against the glass and eyes down to his feet this whole time, he isn’t either
• the rural countryside comes into view at some point, the glistening blue waters reflect back at you
• for a split moment you feel excitement again - here’s what your summer was supposed to really be about - the ocean and the sun
• you sit up to get a better view and your keys slip out from your pocket
• you don’t notice, staring out at the landscape as the train rolls on, but your keys stop at the edge of mingi’s sandal
• he picks them up by the puppy keychain and smiles to himself because it’s cute
• extending a hand out to you, he says your name, and you turn to him still a little wide eyed 
• he thinks quietly to himself, that you’re cute too.
• the ‘room’ your friend said they rented turns out to be an apartment. there are two bedrooms and a giant living room that leads out onto a view of the beach
• you split off for the first hour or so and just as you close the door you turn to see your friend face down on the bed
• “you might have been right, i think i am in love with yunho.”
  
• you sit at the edge and pat their head, they flip over and tug you down beside them
• “but what about you? any thoughts on mingi?”
  
• you contemplate just blurting out the truth - he’s so hot where has he been all my life? 
• but you’re still a little ticked off about the whole situation so you roll your eyes in response
• “just make sure you confess to yunho or something so this whole trip doesn’t go to waste.”
  
• you get up and busy yourself with unpacking to avoid the conversation 
• and it works because for some time it’s just you and your friend and playing music you both like and showing off the things you brought with you and taking silly photos
• and then dinner rolls around and you’re once again in front of mingi (and yunho) and you realize that this trip is far from what you had in mind
• “so what should we go eat?”
  
• yunho asks as you all stand outside in the warm evening air
• mingi has his hands in his pockets and doesn’t offer any kind of suggestion, but your friend pulls their phone out and they and yunho stand so close together that you wonder if they even care about the heat 
• you don’t know what the feeling in your stomach is watching them 
• you’re not jealous, per say, because you love your friend and yunho has never been much more than an acquaintance
• but it’s not overflowing happiness or relief either 
• it’s something between anxiety, discomfort, and hunger. 
• you feel like your friend one upped you for some guy and now the other guy who was supposed to be some kind of “consolation” for it all wasn’t even interested in you
• when you all start walking in the direction of some place your friend found, you stop and lie
• “i feel a little sick, i’m going to get a water on my way back to the apartment and just sleep early.”
• your friend is concerned and offers to go back with you, but you tell them it’s fine. it’s just five minutes back.
• you’re in front of the convenience store when a voice behind you asks
• “are you sure you’re ok?”
  
• you turn and the low pitch belongs to mingi, who is standing there with actual worry etched on his face
• it kind of shocks you so for a moment you stare at him and he leans forward
• “do you think you have a fever?”
  
• you shake yourself mentally and put your hands up like you’ve been caught in your lie
• “n-no i’m fine! i just…….well i’m sure you know those two are here for each other so i thought i’d let them have some time alone.”
  
• mingi seems to process what you’ve said and then opens his mouth knowingly
• “oh you mean - you mean yunho an-”
  
• “yes, i mean this trip is kind of for them to just you know. get on with it.”
  
• mingi cracks a half smile and the way it sits unevenly on his face is somehow even more beautiful than you think is humanly possible
• the door opens and you two walk in, greeted with a half wave from the teenager behind the register
• “are you really not hungry then?”
  
• mingi asks and you two stop in front of the freezer full of sandwiches and other on the go snacks
• you hover over one of those packs of cheese sticks and then groan, knowing that one egg is not enough of a dinner for you
• “will you judge me if i get a bunch of snacks?”
  
• “why would i judge you? it’s summer and you should enjoy yourself.”
  
• he sounds genuine, and when you come to the counter with everything sweet you could find, you rummage for your card only to see that mingi has already paid for everything
• he picks up three bags with one hand and you manage to grab the last fourth one before he can
• when you get back, you spread out your food in the living room and mingi sits down cross legged across from you
• he opens the beer he bought and for a moment it’s just the sound of you two eating
• somehow a conversation starts, just about what you two do - the who, what, where kind of stuff you do to break ice
• when mingi says he’s studying his masters in math you’re pleasantly surprised and say something about he’s what you need - you’re horrible with numbers
• you don’t see the way he shifts the beer in his hands with a little smile
• it quiets down a little, as the time crawls by and your friend and yunho don’t seem to be coming back
• at one point you start cleaning, when mingi suddenly goes 
• “i want to apologize.”
• the wrapper in your hand falls to the floor and you look at him with a confused expression
• there’s a small red tint under his eyes
• “it seems like this was supposed to be a trip for you and your friend and … and we just crashed it?”
• you don’t have an answer for him right away and the awkward tension in the air makes him sit up, crack his knuckles one by one and you let the sound resound through your head
• “you’re not the person who should be apologizing to me.”
  
• you look at the pile of open snacks and uncapped bottle of sweet soda
• “and to be honest, they should apologize to you too. i’ll do it for them and say i’m sorry you had to give up a week of your time to be here.”
  
• mingi shakes his head 
• “it’s -” he starts and then when he looks at you, leaning over a little closer you smell cologne, and alcohol
  
• “i didn’t mean to upset you.”
  
• his lips are slightly glossier than you remember them being in the sunlight
• but before anything else happens, the door unlocks and in stumble two more giggling bodies
• you and mingi pull away and the first day of this ‘getaway’ ends just like that
• the next two days are kind of uneventful
• the majority of the time you’re at the beach, spread out under the umbrella while yunho and your friend chase each other up and down the sand
• mingi doesn’t really come out, he says he wants to go on a walk instead and shows up only in the evening 
• in the middle of the week - you go to your usual spot far from the waters edge and set up your little nook
• you lay stomach down on the towel until a shadow blocks your view
• “do you want to build a sand castle?”
  
• you look up at mingi, all his hair is pushed under a backwards baseball hat and he’s holding a small brown paper bag 
• “ok.”
  
• the sand on your knees is hot and mingi turns the bag upside down beside you
• spilling out into a pile are various different seashells and rocks, a couple of big flower petals too
• “oh - where did you get these?”
  
• mingi likes the way your eyes start to glitter when you pick through the little treasures
• “i was collecting them on my walks.”
  
• you start to dig, but mingi stops you with a gentle touch on your wrist
• “i think we should map out the base first.”
  
• he picks up a stick nearby and starts to outline a large rectangle 
• you get up and follow him around, watching him silently put down the plans for your castle
• “i think this size will be good for us, we can build other layers on top and it shouldn’t sink.”
  
• “woah, you’re so smart! you truly are a math major.”
• you compliment without a thought, looking around for where to start digging again
• mingi drops down beside you and suddenly says
• “no one calls me that.”
  
• “a math major?”
  
• he laughs, “smart.” 
• “really? but you are. i mean obviously, any one so logical is definitely considered smart.”
  
• mingi is silent as he lumps together some of the sand
• “i think most people just see what i look like, rather than how i think or what i feel. so they see me and i don’t look-”
  
• you startle him when you push over your little pile of sand and shake your head
• “you look like mingi, and mingi is smart - so you look smart. people that can’t see that are just hypocrites.”
  
• you groan when you realize you have to start over on your pile 
• you don’t see the way mingi’s hands still on his and the way he’s smiling wider than he has since this trip has started
• you guys manage to build a half decent castle, you decorate it with mingi’s finds, and then take some pictures
• your friend and yunho are nowhere to be found and the day just keeps getting hotter
• so you and mingi go off to get lunch in some shady little cafe and you ask mingi to show you where he’s been going on his walks
• just like on the first night, you and him fall easily into conversation
• you have different interests and tastes and your strengths lie in polar opposite subjects but nothing feels awkward anymore
• he makes you laugh, and you make him laugh even harder
• you know about music he’s never heard of, and he knows about some of the plants you pass by that you can’t even tell the difference between
• he puts his hands over your head when a light evening rain starts to come down and you start pocketing different shiny rocks you come across because “he found so many for the sand castle so you should find some too, you know for him…….or in case we want to build another castle tomorrow.”
• by the time you get back to the apartment with him, the sun has welcomed the moon and your friend and yunho are there - perfectly content without you two
• but when you show up you’re pulled into one room and mingi is pulled into the other
• your friend is rambling about all the things they did, you don’t really hear them because your own mind has been fogged by one person
• mingi with a watermelon seed stuck to his cheek, mingi and his ability to recite the timetable to you on command, mingi with his shirt hiked up his stomach when he tries to air out the sweat
• by the time they’re done and you’re laying in bed - your head doesn’t feel any clearer
• there’s no way i already like him this much?
• the next two days, are more eventful
• you don’t even notice your friend and yunho’s bubble anymore because you feel like you’ve created your own
• mingi seems brighter too and you don’t want to give yourself too much credit, but you hope whatever it is blossoming in your chest is also rooting into his
• it’s almost perfect
• two days of talking, laughing, watching and learning about each other, making a daisy crown for mingi that’s a little too big and ends up around his neck, a little dry from the unforgiving sun
• it feels like it’s too good to be true 
• especially when he embarrassingly admits he doesn’t know how to make daisy crowns but he ties the stem of one of the flowers around your finger
• but then its the end of the trip. the last day.
• your friend comes in around dinner to say that they’re going to set of fireworks at the beach with yunho
• you and mingi look up from a rather lazy game of connect four
• mingi is much better than you but at some point you’re waiting for him to let you win at least one round
• you look at your friend with a smile, you are about to tell them to go have fun when you see something on the side of their neck 
• and the little bubble you thought you and mingi were in bursts
• mingi’s voice echoes out - “should we go with you?”
• “sure! you guys should come! yunho is already at the beach!”
  
• things move fast, one second you’re sitting in front of mingi under the air conditioning and he’s tilting back his head to laugh and you are so happy with where this is going
• a failed getaway with a friend might have turned into an attempt of a summer love
• but then your friend and yunho have been doing the kinds of things that come with summer love 
• while you and mingi have spent three solid days talking
• which is fine, you think, if you had meet anywhere else
• now as he stands at the shore with yunho - watching the bursts of fireworks in the sky
• and the strong outline of his back looks smaller at a distance
• a rush of feelings builds up in your stomach
• we are probably never going to talk after this trip, i never asked him if he’s already dating someone - why wouldn’t he be? he’s so wonderful there has to be someone in his life, and when did i stop being upset with my friend for dragging me out here to third wheel and now get my heart broken?
• you feel childish because you want to march over and tell your friend - “you shouldn’t have invited your crush and his friend on this trip! this was supposed to be for us!” 
• and you want to look at mingi and say “do you like me too? i can’t stand the idea that you don’t.”
• but you’re an adult and you do none of those things and when mingi jogs over to try and get you to join them by the water
• you do it, taking his outstretched hand, thinking for a split second that if he keeps holding it there might be hope
• but he drops it when he passes you a firework with a smile that both fills you with joy and pain at the same time
• it’s like you’re counting the seconds of this last night, waiting, looking at mingi from the corner of your eye
• your friend and yunho slip away and toward the end of the beach. at some point you think you see them kiss.
• you look at mingi again but his eyes are fixed up against the point where the sky and the ocean meet
• you’re still counting seconds when he doesn’t do anything but smile and say goodnight when you and him return first
• you pack your things and keep anxiously hoping the door will open
• but it only does later into the night, when you’re under the covers, and the giggling sound of love isn’t coming from the person you wish it was
• the next morning you avoid eye contact, you go get breakfast by yourself and you feel stupid when the cashier asks where the tall, nice looking guy is at
• at the train station back home, mingi tries to make conversation and you mumble that you slept really bad and have a headache
• he says he’ll buy you some water and you just step a little further away with a firm but still small ‘no’.
• your friend and yunho don’t notice, or maybe they just don’t care, as they cuddle into each other more blatantly than before
• on the ride back, your friend nudges you to sit next to mingi with what they think is a flirty little wink
• you pretend to sleep the whole ride back and mingi looks down into the pages of some book as he re-reads the same passage over and over
• your summer getaway leaves a sour taste in your mouth
• the moment you get home, your friend tries to tell you the story of how their confession to yunho went
• you feel horrible and also completely justified when you stop them short with
• “you did something really messed up and you think i care about yunho right now?”
  
• they look confused and you don’t want to explain yourself because you’d rather be in a bad mood
• you tell them you’ll call them later, which you don’t intend on doing at all, as you throw your bag to the floor try to force yourself to forget the last seven days ever happened
• your friend must have finally figure out what they had done - sending a long winded message about how they were selfish and horrible and were wrong for messing up your planned vacation
• you leave them on read for an hour and then decide that you can’t be like this forever so you text back that it’s ok and that you’re actually happy for them
• and you are. it’s just you’re sad at the same time for yourself too.
• what you don’t expect is that your friend asks to see you the next day, they want to talk in person and you want to tell them it’s really fine, they should spend time with yunho now
• but you agree out of politeness and also out of the hope that you can finally spill to them how heartbroken you actually feel
• liking someone after knowing them for a week is pathetic, but you’re in your human right to feel torn up about it
• when you show up, you expect to see your friend glowing with the kiss of a new romance but all you see is mingi
• “hi”
  
• you look at him and then over your shoulder to see who in the world he’s talking to
• “i heard you and your friend talked about the trip?”
  
• you turn back and nod robotically, at a lose of what to say
• “sorry i asked them to invite you out….i just thought it’d be weird if i called you myself from an unknown number.”
  
• it’s not as hot as it was during the trip anymore, plus it’s past the heatwave point of midday and so you aren’t sure why you are sweating so much
• “it’s fine. um- is there something you need from me?”
  
• the way his forehead crinkles confuses you, he looks a bit taken aback at your question but what other reason would there be for him see you
• “n-no. well i guess maybe…” he tries to think of the words “i just wanted to see you because when the trip ended it felt like you were angry with me?”
• oh, it’s the quintessential i feel bad so please say something to make feel better kind of thing. i didn’t think he would be that kind of person.
• “no mingi, i am not angry with you. is that all?”
  
• “you’re not angry, but you’re not happy with me either?”
  
• “what do you mean by that?”
  
• now you’re confused because you’re pretty sure you’ve given him the answer he wants most to hear.
• mingi struggles, it’s obvious from the weird posture of his tall frame
• “i mean……..you don’t like me, right?”
  
• he makes an expression that you’ve only seen once on his face. the same one when he was telling you people don’t often use the word “smart” to describe him.
• it’s a look of failure, like he’s disappointed you.
• you think that’s what pushes you forward, you don’t like that look on him at all.
• “of course i like you. i like you so much i kind of feel a little insane about it.”
  
• the expression shifts and his eyes go round 
• “r-really?”
  
• “yes.” you realize you’ve just exposed your feelings so there’s no reason to hold back now “i keep thinking, why do i like this guy after knowing him for a week, but i don’t think that matters. i like you because you’re you.”
  
• you feel your heartbeat in your ears, and quickly add
• “you don’t have to feel pressured by it though. you don’t have to like me back.”
  
• “of course i like you back.”
  
• a couple of younger kids run past you two on the sidewalk, pushing you a bit and mingi grabs you by the waist to pull you toward him
• you separate as quickly as you connect but the feeling of his touch makes something inside you squirm
• “i - i didn’t know you’d feel the same.” he starts “because, statistically, it  would be more probable that you didn’t. because of the short time frame and also because i know how you were feeling about your frie-”
  
• you think the squirming feeling goes up from your waist to your head
• because you lean and kiss mingi before he can keep rambling
• the sourness that had been stuck in your teeth for the days after the trip melts away. 
• mingi tastes kind of like candy.
• when he kisses you back you think you’re dreaming, back to the - this is too good to be true - bubble of your trip
• when you pull away you stutter out for him to finish his sentence
• “oh well i was saying like you know ……. by the numbers it would be more likely you didn’t like me-”
  
• “i’m bad with numbers, i thought i told you that.”
  
• he bursts into laughter, takes the back of your neck and kisses you again.
• when you tell your friend about what happens later they are so happy that you wish you could have given them the same reaction when they told you about yunho
• then again, when they try to say “if i had never ruined our getaway-” you cut them off with a deadpan glare
• either way, the summer turns on its head once more 
• and the mingi you met for the first time on that trip just proves to be more amazing than you expect
• just as attentive, caring, and selfless - but a new side comes out to
• from the way he digs his nails into the parts of your skin that you get shy about, how he really is insatiable about certain things 
• from blushing smiles in public - mannered hands and politeness that wins over the charm of everyone around you
• to a kind of desperation for love, he just overflows with it and you feel like you can swim in the amount of affection he shows you when you are alone
• yunho and your friend ask you two to go on a double date one time and about halfway through mingi just looks at yunho and yunho’s ears go red as he tells you two it’s ok if you need to leave early……..
• you wave at your friend before mingi is whisking you away. you think you see them just gape back. 
• and even in the distant future, when you and him are both saddled with the responsibility of life even more than before
• when you and him are so busy that summer trips are rare to come by
• he still comes home from work with a big smile, opens up the pockets of his jacket or fishes something out of his jeans
• little treasures that catch his eye in the midst of a chaotic schedule that remind him of you
• you drop it into a glass jar, after giving mingi a kiss, the label that’s started to peel says
• ‘for our sand castle…….whenever we get to build another one.’
  

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance! hendery
another late as all hell birthday au! but happy bday dery~!
find others here: johnny | haechan | taeil | taeyong | mark | jaemin | yangyang | yuta | sicheng | chenle | kun | yukhei | doyoung | jaehyun | jungwoo | ten | jisung | renjun | jeno | xiaojun | shotaro

• “the air conditioner is broken in my apartment.”
• you cross your arms and jut your hip out with an amused gaze
• “uhuh and the world is ending on thursday. what do you really want hendery?
• he wipes the back of his neck and shoves his palm into your face with the evidence that he’s been sweating for hours
• you pull back just in time with a face
• "im serious, my place feels like the pits of hells.”
• “i think that’s fitting.”
• you don’t uncross your arms and hendery groans
• “c'mon, please just let me in for an hour of relief.”
• hendery looks unbearably long
• taking up most of your carpet and then some as he lays starfish in your cool living room
• you had been watching something on your tv, absentmindedly wasting your weekend away when he’d come ringing on your doorbell
• technically, you aren’t “enemies” or anything - you’ve been neighbors for well over half a year
• it’s just something about him irks you.
• maybe it’s the way he has one of those obnoxious doormats that doesn’t stick to the ground so if you aren’t looking and step on it - you’ll go sliding down the hall like you’re on ice
• or the fact that you noticed he doesn’t properly know the difference between fabric softener and detergent so he just pours them into the machine when he’s in the laundry room with you
• actually, you grind your teeth yourself, it’s none of those - it’s the fact that he thinks he’s entitled to everyone else’s hospitality and never gives any of his ow-
• “can you throw me a pillow?”
• he outstretches his toned arm and you ignore the way his muscles flex as you chuck one off your sofa at him with the intent to hurt
• but he catches it effortlessly and without anything close to a thanks
• he’s a brat. that’s why we don’t get along.
• “can i change the channel?”
• “no.”
• “you aren’t even watching the tv.”
• “and this isn’t even your house.”
• hendery rolls over onto his back and gives you a glistening white smile that you’re both envious and pissed off at.
• “hey, why do you hate me so much - could it be that you secretly want all of thi-”
• he runs his hand down the line of his body and that’s the straw on the camel’s back for you
• “get out.”
• “oh come o-”
• the door shuts with a heavy, cruel thud and you are left in peace again.
• you stare at the pillow on your carpet and walk up and down the spot where you can still feel the heat from his body.
• what a weirdo. well at least he won’t bother me again.
• you’re in the shower the next time someone rings on your doorbell.
• you half expect it to be the deliveryman so you peek your head around the curtain to yell out that they can leave the package at the door but all you get in response is another doorbell ring
• you huff and grab a towel, wrap it around yourself and trek out with slippery footprints left in trail as you get to the door
• “who is it?”
• the doorbell rings again
• maybe it’s the building manager? only she’s such a hardass about things and wouldn’t just give up after the first ring.
• you sigh and unlock the door to open it - fully sure now that it’s the manager - when all you see in front of you is
• hendery
• he looks you up and down and you stare back in horror
• seemingly unaffected by your appearance he points over his back
• “our air conditioners still busted is it ok if-”
• “NO!”
• you shut the door again and hear hendery yelp in surprise, then add “you could have crushed my fingers!” for good measure
• you stand there and grit your teeth - glaring at the door as if you’re glaring at him
• “hendery. im not letting you in here anymore!”
• “but whhhhhhhy - it’s so hot, it’s like one hundred degrees out and kun can’t fix the damn thing so im dying pleaseeeeeeee spare some mercy!”
• you harden in your resolve
• “no! if you want free AC, go stick your head in the freezer section of the grocery store!”
• you think you hear his footsteps shuffle away and the tension releases in your shoulders
• you head back into the shower and stand under the water as you try and figure out what exactly made you this mad this time
• obviously, it was because he’s coming here to annoy me.
• the angel on your shoulder quips
• but the demon on your other shakes its head
• aren’t you mad he wasn’t all flustered seeing you like this?
• the self-conversation is bizarre, and you shut off the water to stop it
• when you dry off you decide that the summer heat is getting to you, what does it matter to me what hendery thinks? 
• you need to go get some ice cream and regain your dignity
• you’re humming to yourself, trying to decide between a tub of plain vanilla or the box of mango popsicles 
• when you hear the door to the freezer beside you open
• at first you don’t look up, but then you hear a loud sigh and you peek from the corner of your eye just for your gaze to fall on the one person you really - really - do not want to see right now
• “hendery. what are you doing?”
• he moves aside a carton of cool whip to rest his head on the shelf inside
• “i’m doing what you told me to do. sticking my head into a freezer.”
• you look around to see if any employees are milling about 
• and if they are, you fully intend on abandoning this conversation so no one incorrectly thinks you and hendery have anything to do with each other
• but don’t you?
• an evil voice in your head suddenly chimes
• look at him - doing exactly what you said. isn’t that kind of …….. cute?
• you are so dumbfounded by your own inner dialogue that you scoff and hendery raises an eyebrow
• “why are you scoffing, first i can’t use the ac in your place and now i can’t even do this? you’re the one-”
• you grab the carton of vanilla and let the freezer door shut hard enough to shake the others beside it
• hendery pops his head and squints his eyes
• “you can do whatever you want hendery.”
• “does that me-”
• you extend your hand and point directly between his eyes
• “let me rephrase that: you can do whatever you want, hendery, as long as it is not in my presence.”
• you are half way to the cash register when you suddenly stop
• you look over your shoulder, and a part of you seriously expects to see him there again
• pouting and whining and annoying you again
• but hendery is nowhere to be seen and you pretend the weird drop in your stomach is from the mean look a random lady throws your way for blocking her path to the produce 
• hendery doesn’t show up for the next couple of days
• you say you notice it only because you’re enjoying the fact that he took your last warning to heart
• but in reality, as the vanilla carton of ice cream you bought empties little by little, you realize you’re just searching for him for another reason
• one you don’t think you want to confront yet
• then one day, when you’re sitting beside the window and eating the last of your ice cream you see him
• he’s sitting in the little park across the street, right under the water fountain, and a group of kids are circling around him 
• they’re all counting and laughing and the sound makes it up into your ears
• hendery suddenly jumps up, shaking the water for him hair and starts chasing one of the kids 
• they run all around the park and hendery purposely slows down so that he can’t catch them
• you roll your eyes, what’s he doing playing with kids at his age?
• and then the kid he was chasing falls, scrapping hands and knees on the hard ground
• hendery immediately hovers over, your spoon stays in your mouth as you watch him scoop the little body up into his hands and rush over to where you presume the kids mother or aunt or older sister is
• the other children form a curious circle, the ice cream starts to melt down the side of your spoon as you concentrate on the way the one who fell is still clinging onto hendery’s sleeve as their wounds are bandaged up
• hendery looks up for a brief second and you back away from the windowsill on instinct
• the carton of ice cream drops down beside you
• it happens again, this unexpected view of hendery from a distance
• you’re coming home from a meeting with a friend and he’s across the street at the bus stop
• at first you just look to make sure it’s him, but that posture and grin as he stares down at his phone is a dead giveaway to his identity
• so you tell yourself to just keeping going - out of fear that you’ll somehow make eye contact
• then, you see him suddenly bend down
• at his feet is a local stray, she rubs up against his bare legs and hendery scratches behind her ear 
• if you remember correctly, that same stray has never liked you, hissing even when you had tried to put out a saucer of tuna
• so you stop walking and watch as it nearly splays down over his feet and hendery laughs and tickles it 
• and you hate to say it but you think he looks almost……...cute.
• the bus comes puffing down the hill though and hendery picks the cat up carefully and sets it safely in the nearby bushes of another building
• before he can turn around in time to see you, the bus blocks both your views
• you hurry along and try to distract yourself with the thoughts of what you’ll have for dinner
• summer is at its worst when you wake up and check to see that the temperature is forecasted to be 99 degrees
• you turn the ac on and sit down to think of what you can do in such horrible weather
• when you lean down to press your forehead to the cool surface of your table you think
• should i let hendery in, is his ac still broken?
• you jolt at the thought. 
• recently, you’ve been thinking about hendery a lot. way more than you ever have before.
• you’d been watching some b-listed romcom the night before and when the lead had fell on his butt trying to impress the girl of his dreams you’d akin it to something he would do
• it was downright unsettling 
• the sun has cursed you - you reckon - that’s what it is 
• ever since you met him you knew you two wouldn’t get along, yet here you are sprouting up the thought of actually inviting him over if his ac really still is broken
• you groan
• no, it’s not because you care about hendery or have suddenly grown feelings for him. you’re just a concerned neighbor. plus hendery lives with kun and you………like kun well enough.
• it’s enough of an excuse that gets you up and down the hall, knocking on the door 
• hendery doesn’t answer, but kun does - and so does a gust of strong, cool air
• “oh. you fixed your ac.”
• you say before you can think and kun raises an eyebrow
• “fixed? it was never broken.”
• “oh.”
• you blink up and into kun’s confused expression
• before either of you can follow up with a question in the awkward, tension-filled silence
• hendery appears behind kun with his bedhead and no shirt. he doesn’t see you as he rubs the sleep from his eyes and asks if kun can make him an omelet
• you wave without a word and rush back to your own apartment before hendery has the time to notice
• you hear kun say something about how hendery needs to learn how to crack eggs himself before the door shuts
• your heart is beating ever so erratically in your chest. at the kind of speed that you would deem humiliating.
• but, if the ac was never broken then why was hendery always bothering me about it?
• the devil pops back up onto your shoulder with a grin big and red like candy
• maybe, he just wanted an excuse to be around you.
• you spend the rest of the day debating this.
• first off, hendery did seem like the type that would annoy his crush in highschool with weird nicknames or notes passed around during class
• that is in highschool  - you’re both adults now. there was no way he would still be doing the same thing
• then again, this was hendery you were talking about, whose common language and overall vibe seemed to work best with children and animals
• you try to convince yourself that that’s exactly the issue
• why am i suddenly liking a guy who acts like …. that?
• by “that” you had meant childish and weird - but maybe “that” was slowly turning into kind, fun, and really easy to love
• the thoughts clog up your brain, mixed with the miserable heat, you just give up and go to bed early
• you hope you wake up with a clarity of mind
• instead, you wake up to a note slipped under your door
• you pick it up and know who it is from immediately.
• guess he really isn’t above highschool level flirting afterall?
• you read it and it says that hendery wants to meet you in front of the freezer you two talked at last
• half of you says you need to keep face and just not go. 
• the other half is sick and tired of being single.
• hendery is wearing basketball shorts and a plain grey hoodie when you show up
• “a lot of layers for someone who said their air conditioner is broken.”
• is your opener and hendery turns to you, first smiling and then letting his face fall into a serious expression
• it’s the first time you’ve ever seen his eyes not twinkle with some form of mischief
• “yeah - i - kun told me you stopped by.”
• now you feel your own playfulness wear off and while clearing your throat you wait for him to continue
• “i’m sorry about lying. and im sorry about always being a nuisance to you.”
• you wait two beats and hendery stays quiet
• “anything else?”
• you can tell he doesn’t really know what you mean by the question, you know he’s racking his brain for the ‘right’ answer
• “i mean - um………i’m sorry for being….um……..rude?”
• he tries and in response, you can only jut out your hip and roll your eyes
• by that, hendery can tell that he hasn’t said what you’re wanting to hear so he tries again
• “i’m sorry for acting like a chi-”
• “hendery.”
• he straightens up and stares into your eyes with concentration
• “why did you lie in the first place? that’s what i want to hear. what was the reason.”
• again, you can tell the cogs in his head are turning, and you start to second guess yourself
• maybe he didn’t just do it because he wanted to be around me - maybe he really just wanted to annoy someone? was he just…..
• “kun said i should apologize, i shouldn’t bother people just because i’m bored.”
• ……..bored
• you think you hear something break, maybe a glass bottle in another aisle over
• but the ringing sound in your ears is actually just the fragments of your own heart
• “right. you were just bored.”
• you repeat and a shadow casts itself over your face. hendery reads the switch fast and reaches out to touch your shoulder
• you shake it off and turn to leave, as there isn’t much else you can say
• this time you don’t look back to see if he’s following you. you don’t think twice about the time you’ve spent changing your opinion on him and you decide that afterall, you knew that you and hendery just would never get along. in any kind of way.
• “i’m sorry.”
• his voice comes from over your shoulder before you can push your way out of the exit door of the grocery store
• “kun also said i shouldn’t lie. i was bothering you because i like you. i was acting like a five year old with a crush because that’s the only way i’ve ever been with the people i like. i know it’s dumb and i know i really made you mad so i- i’m sorry.”
• before you can turn, hendery tries to move past you and run away first
• you catch him by the back of his hoodie and he freezes up when you tug him back toward you
• “i’ll do anything ok, seriously, i’m sorry i will try my best to stop liking you because i know it’s a burden please i-”
• he’s rambling and rambling and you two are blocking the way for people to get out of the store
• so wordlessly and with more force than you mean to, slam your arms around him from behind
• you bury your head into the fabric 
• “you talk so much. i think i like you too.”
• if you weren’t hugging him, you might have been able to see the physical joy that spreads over hendery’s face
• it lights up every part of his features and he scrambles to turn in you hold to hug you back
• he leans in, eager and overflowing to try and kiss you, but you put a hand up against his mouth
• “we’re still in the store.”
• he nods, saying something muffled and you push him toward the exit. someone scuttles past you and mutters something about how you both are being so annoying right now
• when you finally get back to your place, you tell hendery that he can try again - with the kiss of course - but this time you want a genuine try and not some kind of messy puppy slobber which is what you imagine he had in mind
• hendery feigns offence, but when he takes your face in his hands, he’s gentle and you’re thankful that his mouth tastes like fresh mint
• “did you plan for this to happen?” 
• you joke later as you two cuddle against each other with your ac on blast
• “of course. i knew you’d fall for my charms one day.”
• you playfully pinch him and hendery cries out like it seriously hurts 
• you laugh, the two of you laugh together, but you can’t say he’s wrong
• at the end of the day - somehow - you did end up falling for some kind of charm
• and that charm stays with hendery, even as you two grow older together 
• and being neighbors turns to dating turns to living together 
• and the one summer where your shared air conditioner actually breaks and you two find yourself standing in the freezer section with the doors open
• trying to take in as much free cold air as possible
• you look at hendery’s reflection in the glass with a big smile
• “babe, you were so smart back then. this is way better than an ac.”
• he chuckles at his own corny joke before you can
• you want to quip back, but in the moment all you can do is see young hendery in front of you
• sticking his head in between cool whip and ice cream just because you told him to
• “hey - i love you.”
• you blurt out, even though you’ve said it way too many times before
• hendery smiles, says “i love you too” 
• and draws a heart in the condensation on the door
• you grin and then under it hendery adds word that makes your eyes go wide
• “forever?” 

☆: pastry chefs/bakers!au taeyong
a little bit of a rivals au, but mostly oblivious pining that stretches for way too long like please just tell each other you’re in love. also i dont know anything about baking sweets so…ignore any of my mistakes..
tw: worrying about your career lol, drinking

• in your first year of culinary school, you realize cooking is a language full of its own rules and century-old traditions.
• cooking is like french, or pashto, or russian
• but baking - is a completely different dialect
• baking exists in the world of cooking, but it sets its own path that you end up falling in love with
• and your once dream of becoming an executive chef at some fancy, flashy restaurant turns into a dream of owning your own bakery
• a place unique to the skills you start to hone with a vicious passion that leaves most of the other students around you confused
• you find out one of your professors has had a decorated career in pastry making and immediately seek him out to take you as an understudy
• and that’s when you meet lee taeyong
• he’s got big eyes like molds full of warm chocolate and stands thin in frame under the white uniforms you all wear
• in his front pocket is a wrapper from the milk buns they sell down the street
• he’s not intimidating at all
• but when you get closer to him you smell the familiar scent of sugar and you start to understand why he’s there too
• “im here to talk to the professor about becoming his apprentice.”
• you say it because the silence between you two is awkward
• also - you want to read him
• you want to see what his reaction will be, you wonder if he’ll snort at you and tell you to back off, he was here first
• but all taeyong does is bat his eyes at you like a baby deer caught in the headlights
• “oh. me too.”
• although you both live in the realm of sweets - you and taeyong are on opposite ends of the spectrum in every way possible
• for one, you are excitable and energetic and want to get elbow deep into any ingredient, familiar or foreign
• taeyong is reserved and usually sleepy during the early morning classes. he observes and takes every step of his routine with caution.
• your fundamentals are the same - cookies, cakes, and bars. these are staples to any baker or patisserie’s book
• but everything else you and taeyong make couldn’t be more different
• you always lean into the comfort kind of dessert: brownies, puddings and pies. you can make a doughnut fancy - but why should you? the most important part is that it tastes like a place somewhere you know.
• but taeyong is a scientist, a designer, and completely out of your loop.
• he pushes forward crème brûlée’s, strawberry eclairs, and makes meringue’s with his eyes closed.
• when you put forward your desserts, one always looks like you could get it at a street fair and the other looks like it’s only available for a week at some snotty european bistro
• you sometimes don’t know what in the world he is even making until it’s done
• and the first time you learn what cream of tartar is - taeyong looks at you with the same innocence he always has painted on his face - “oh, i use this all the time.”
• you won’t lie - in the beginning you were a bit disheartened by the gap between you two
• and it would have been easy to think that just because his ingredients were more expensive and sometimes harder to pronounce that he was the more deserving apprentice
• but you managed to crush that thought for all your time at school because sure he could do his own thing and you could do yours
• and you could both be great at it
• “except, what if you like apply for the same job?”
• you ruffle through your sparse choices of outfits for graduation. all of them are not as great as you thought they were when you bought them.
• “hmmm, you mean me and taeyong?”
• your friend who said they’d come over and help you pick is not doing that at all.
• instead, she’s sitting cross legged on your bed and looking at one the polaroid’s on your wall.
• she taps a nail on the one that has you, taeyong, and your shared professor on it
• you join her and look at taeyongs small face on the photograph
• “i mean i doubt it. he’s probably going to go work in paris or milan.”
• “he has the looks for it, that’s for sure.”
• you purse your lips and turn to look at your friend with disappointment but she just deadpans back
• “c'mon, all this time together and you’ve never thought he was hot?”
• you shake your head before you can really register an answer
• you look at him and he’s got his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. his uniform looks like he’s ironed it.
• you have what might be sugar on yours, and your hair is a bit of a disheveled mess.
• “i guess he’s cute.”
• graduation comes and goes in what seems like a blur - you can officially call yourself a baker now, although you think the journey started for you a while back
• the last person who want to share a tearful goodbye with aside from some friends and other graduates is your instructor
• you head to where you think you’ll find him - only to find taeyong waiting outside of his office just like on your first day together
• dressed in a pale blue, tailored suit and with that signature lost look on his face he holds a white box in his hands
• “is that a cake?”
• you ask for the sake of conversation
• “dacquoise.”
• “ah. i made snickerdoodles.”
• he hesitates as if he wants to say something, but before he can the door opens and your professor smiles fondly at the both of you
• but he turns first to taeyong
• “congratulations on the job!”
• you blink and feel your mouth dry slightly, “y-you already got a job?”
• taeyong’s ears go red and you can see him clutch a little at the box he’s still holding
• “yes, i got an invitation to work with the patisserie at the shilla hotel.”
• unable to control your expression, your eyes go wide
• the shilla hotel - the most expensive hotel in the city?
• “i called in a recommendation for taeyong as well, im proud to have a student of mine pushing the boundaries already!”
• a recommendation…..he didn’t offer me a recommendation…
• “really, it’s not that gr-”
• taeyong’s voice drowns out and the world starts to feel like it’s rapidly shrinking
• “are you going to apply for some manager positions at some of the bakery chains around here?”
• your professor asks - taking the cake from taeyong’s hands and not hurrying to reach for what you’ve brought along
• manager position? is that what all my work is going to come down to?
• you force on a smile and shake your head.
• you want to be strong and say with confidence - “im going to forge my own way ahead. im going to be the baker i always dreamed i would be.”
• but the words are lost and suddenly, you’re embarrassed
• you’re embarrassed to be standing beside taeyong.
• to be holding these cookies that just don’t compare.
• it goes over your professors head, but taeyong tenses and you suddenly make up a reason for having to leave
• they both say something to you - something that gets lost in the spiraling, sickening feeling of dreaded realization that is gripping you
• we were never on the same level. taeyong was always running a mile ahead of me.
• you feel too ashamed to go home and call your family like you had planned, and you are feeling too small to go out onto the big city streets of seoul
• so you find yourself at the post graduation party the students of your school have thrown
• and you find yourself in front of a bottle
• you are not a drinker, and you are not really a party person either - unless you get to mingle and watch people try your desserts. but this is the only thing you can think of doing
• i thought we were always going to succeed, the both of us. what’s a roll of homemade bread to a world class five star tart - the worst part is
• you draw a circle on the rim of your drink
• the worst part is taeyong isn’t even being selfish about it. he probably didn’t even think it was a competition.
• someone sits at your table, off in the corner and you look up
• just as if he’s sprung from your thoughts - it’s taeyong. and he looks uncomfortable to be in a swarm of so many people.
• “don’t come here to pity me.”
  
• you say it with conviction and the confidence of a little bit of drinking
• he winces, as if it really stings, but you don’t notice and go back to your own thoughts
• taeyong swallows and says something you barely hear over all the noise
• “i can’t pity someone who inspires me.”
• to be frank, you think you imagine the sentiment
• but it’s weird because you can’t decide if you did or if he really said that. why would he? you and him learned side by side together for a long time and you’ve never heard something like that before
• you finish your drink and get up without a word
• taeyong follows and stutters out what he thinks will make you stop from leaving
• “i’ll tell the hotel to consider you instead.”
• all it does is make you angry, you scoff in response
• “you didn’t hear me did you? i said don’t pity me.”
  
• you turn on your heel, rushing toward the door as the world spins slightly in a blur around you 
• you manage to make it out of whatever bar you were in, until you trip against the uneven curb of the sidewalk and hear something split under the platform of your shoe
• you kick up your left foot and see that the bottom is peeling, broken completely off at the edge
• “are you kidding me?”
  
• you try to force it back into place, but it doesn’t work and when you nearly tip over from losing your balance - you put your hand out - only to land on the soft fabric of someone’s shoulders
• it’s taeyong and he puts an arm out to support you that you try to swat away weakly
• all it does is make you wobble into him even more
• when you’re stable, he squats down to look at the damage and his fingers are cool on the skin of your ankle
• from the outside - you probably look like a couple
• the ever doting boyfriend, worried about their partner. there’s an intimacy between you two that you are both oblivious to
• until it hits you from the glances of people who walk by and you pull yourself away
• “it’s fine. im going to walk home.”
  
• “do you live close by, i’ll help you.”
  
• you purse your lips - “actually i have to take the subway so if you could just move-”
• he doesn’t, instead taeyong mutters that his place is luckily just around the corner and he’ll let you borrow something of his to help you get home in
• you refuse - vehemently because you are not trying to look even more embarrassing in front of him than you apparently have been looking all this time
• but taeyong doesn’t sound or looks as meek as you remember when he points out that your shoe is falling apart and you aren’t going to be safe in this kind of state when it’s already so late into the evening
• somehow - you end up in front of taeyong’s apartment - you watch him punch in the code and furrow your eyebrows
• “haha” you start dryly “your code is my birthdate.”
  
• the tips of his ears dust pink but you convince yourself it’s just a weird coincidence 
• taeyong’s place is as neat and as organized as he is, there is a fish tank that grabs your attention and a bookshelf full of cookbooks
• “just let me borrow some slippers and i’ll be gone.”
  
• taeyong disappears into another room and comes out with a pair of fuzzy, clean, nearly brand new looking slippers
• he puts them down by your feet 
• “can i tell you something before you go?”
  
• you want to refuse, but you feel so much of your self worth has leaked out of you in front of him today that you just nod
• “i’m serious about being inspired by you.”
  
• his voice is calm and collected
• “you taught me how to bake the most delicious bread i’ve ever had in my entire life. how am i not supposed to look up to someone like that?”
  
• you blink back an initial wave of shock that nearly gets you sober
• “wh-what are you talking about?”
  
• taeyong doesn’t look up at you so you don’t see his small smile
• “two months after we started our apprenticeship - i told you i’d never made bread from scratch before.”
  
• you can sort of remember the time he’s talking about, but the memory isn’t super clear in your mind
• for most of your time with taeyong, you always thought you were kind of in a secret race, small moments that he’s talking about seemed to have flown over your head
• “instead of just letting me do it myself - you taught me, step by step how to do it. i’d never seen someone do something so easily, like you were born for it. i know it sounds childish to say this but watching you do it felt like watching a movie.”
  
• you can tell taeyong isn’t used to this long of a dialogue and that he’s taking time to choose his words
• “i didn’t think anyone could love baking as much as i did - but i felt in that moment that i met my match in you.”
  
• you stand up, far to quickly than you should, and taeyong has to leap up to catch you from stumbling forward
• this time you don’t try to pull back right away
• you look at him - those big brown eyes that always seemed aloof and far off are concerned and seeping into your own
• “is that wh-is that why the code to your door is-”
  
• taeyong’s face turns nearly crimson
• “yes, because the day after that day was your birthday and when i asked you how to repay you for the lesson you said-”
  
• “-just make me something sweet for my birthday tomorrow.”
  
• something in the room shifts. 
• you don’t know what it is, but it’s like the quickening of a pulse
• you lean forward, but taeyong stops you gently
• “i’m scared you won’t remember if you do that right now.”
  
• you agree, and let taeyong help you sit down. 
• “i don’t want to be a manager.” you hiccup suddenly and taeyong takes in a breath “i want to own my own store. i want to be my own boss. but taeyong, i don’t think i can do it.”
  
• there’s silence and the weight of adulthood and responsibility weaves itself onto both your shoulders
• “i know you can do it. and i want to help if you’d let me.”
  
• the sincerity is almost heart wrenching. you’ve waited to hear those words from everyone, you’ve wanted them from the people you thought should be saying them.
• but hearing them from someone who really believes in you - hits in a whole different way.
• at some point you put your head on taeyong’s shoulder. the night is spent talking about all the things you haven’t been able to share
• even though you spent so much time elbow to elbow in the kitchen
• when your eyes close, you feel safe with taeyong and he doesn’t do anything to betray this newly formed bond between you
• the morning sun through the blinds hurts your head a little. 
• you sit up in the white, clean sheets of taeyong’s bed
• you’re still wearing all your clothes and your shoes and the pair of slippers he brought out for you are on the side of the bed
• when you shuffle into the living room, taeyong is sprawled out on the couch asleep
• you try to be quiet as you sit down in front of him on the carpet, studying the architecture of his face
• “wake up…” you mumble, but he doesn’t seem to hear 
  
• you trace the strong, but somehow inviting lines and says it again a little louder
• taeyong shifts in his sleep and his shirt rides up his flat stomach
• “there’s something i want to do taeyong, please wake up.”
  
• after a moment of stirring, his eyelashes flutter open and he gets caught between a flustered blush and a smile of happiness that you’re still here
• “good mo-”
  
• “can i kiss you now?”
  
• it’s soft, quick, and sweet. somehow taeyong even tastes like sugar. he’s wide awake when you pull back.
• “don’t you have a job to get to you?”
  
• you say to break him out of his trance, he fumbles up and off the couch as you follow too
• but then he stops in his tracks
• “i - i really meant it last night too, that i’d give my recommendation up if you want it ins-”
  
• you put a finger to his lips and taeyong gets the message
• “i’ve decided i am going to work toward my goal and you work toward yours. after all, you said i inspire you and taeyong you inspire me too.”
  
• he looks like he’s biting back giddiness
• this time you two kiss for real, and you nearly drive taeyong up onto a wall which he’d gladly let you continue doing if it weren’t for the alarm that goes off on his phone that breaks you two apart
• you hurry him along and say you’ll make coffee before he has to go
• when you open the cabinet, there are two mugs with little cat faces on them
• when you pull them out you think,
• i’ve learned the language of baking - but now i think i have to learn the language of lee taeyong. 

☆[nostalgic] summer romance!au bang chan 
birthday present for my favorite stay! | other skz aus

• you don’t like the sun, ergo you don’t really like summer
• you’ve never been fond of the heat or the bugs or the overwhelming sense of emptiness that comes with watching the ice in your favorite drink melt too quickly for your liking
• so when you are forced to pick up some sort of activity for the summer by your schools requirements you sign up for summer reading with the public library
• the library is inside - it has air conditioning - it’s not outside and under the sun
• “so explain to me why we are sitting outside, where there is not air conditioner, under the sun in a park when this is supposed to be everything but that?”
• hyunjin, the other poor student who’d signed up for the same program, turns to you with a thin lipped smile
• “because we’re supposed to recruit kids into the program and where are all the kids during the summertime?”
• you sit down in the plastic chair set up in front of a small white table that features the public library’s branch name and a sheet for kids to sign up on
• there’s a pile of recommended summer reading for children of all ages stacked up neatly and untouched
• no kid in their right mind is going to sign up to read while they’re having fun chasing a ball around - this is literally so dumb.
• you ruffle around in your bag to see if you brought extra sunscreen in defeat and hyunjin puts his hand out for it without a word
• hours pass just like this
• some parents try to usher their kids your way but give up in the end to hold their attention, offering you and hyunjin nothing but polite and sorry smiles
• you try to scour out any place with shade to no avail
• you have an entire month left of this hell
• somewhere in the distance you can hear the sound of laughter and a loud whistle
• “is that a summer camp?”
• you ask hyunjin who has started, out of boredom, reading an old copy of the magic tree house (an offered book on the summer list)
• “yeah - i think that’s the field for soccer camp.”
• you put your sweaty forehead down onto the table and groan
• “even eight hours of soccer sounds better than this.”
• your first day is uneventful and still somehow extremely draining
• when you get home you lay face down with the fan on blast and think about calling the library to quit
• but guilt clouds over you: what about the kids who might want to sign up for the program, what about leaving poor hyunjin out there by himself, what about…….these stupid credits for school
• in the end you decide you’ll stick with it - maybe you’ll pick up crocheting to help you pass the time
• the second, third, and fourth day all pass the same way
• one kid signs up for the program and it isn’t even a kid - it’s their parent who spends half an hour at the table telling you and hyunjin about how stressful raising children is
• you two just stare up at them and melt under their ramblings and the unforgiving sun
• on the first friday of the worst decision of your life - hyunjin almost quits and you have to bribe him with ice cream from the truck so he doesn’t leave you
• he agrees, for the price of two strawberry cheesecake bars
• when you head to the truck to retrieve the briberies you notice a long line of kids all dressed in soccer uniforms
• they’re crowding around someone who is ordering at the window
• his shoulders are wide and muscular underneath a tight sports top and he has an accent that makes itself more prevalent when he tells one of the kids to hold on a minute - laughing when they seemingly pout up at him
• you’re curious to see what that person looks like - you assume he’s one of the counselors from that soccer camp
• but you miss the opportunity as he gathers over ten different types of ice cream in his hands and is hoarded onto by the kids
• when you get to the window the poor ice cream man tells you not to order the sonic ice-pop, he just sold out
• “do you know any of the people working at that summer camp?”
• you as hyunjin as you hand over his ice cream and he shakes some hair from face as he peels open the packaging
• “i know changbin, he’s supposed to be working there this summer with some new guy - apparently he just moved here.”
• you think that this ‘new guy’ is probably the one who was in front of you in the ice cream line
• “do you know his n-”
  
• you stop mid sentence to watch the strawberry ice cream melt over the wrapper and hyunjin’s fingers and right onto the pile of library books.
• yeah. this is definitely the worst decision of my life.
• hyunjin is apparently “sick” on monday. so you’re alone at the table when a lone soccer ball rolls right to your feet
• you look up from the ‘how to crochet: for beginners’ video you’re watching on your phone to pick it up.
• “sorry, i had no clue i would kick it this far!”
  
• you look up and squint in the sun to see the person standing before you
• but the accent gives their identity away immediately 
• smiling down at you are kind brown eyes and perfectly straight white teeth
• the beads of sweat on his forehead look more like diamonds, and he smells good - which must be a feat if you’re running around under the scorching sun playing sports all day
• “uh-”
• you lose the ability to speak for a second before you realize his hands are out stretched for the ball
• “r-right. here you go.”
• he thanks you and tucks the ball under his arm, “is hyunjin not here today?”
• “you know hyunjin?”
• he gives a deep chuckle, “not really. changbin - the guy i work with does. he said he’d be here but i only, well i only see you.”
• ‘i only see you’. someone so hot should not be able to just say that so casually
• “ah yeah he’s out “sick” - note the air quotes.”
• this time the chuckle is a genuine laugh and he uses his free hand to hold his stomach 
• “now i know why he’s changbin’s friend. i’m bang chan by the way.”
  
• he extends his hand out at first and then jumps back a bit, “sorry - my palms a little sweaty”, wiping it on his side and then offering it again
• you take it and try not to think about how much larger it is in comparison to yours
• you tell him your name and chan seemingly wants to stay, when a loud whistle from the field catches his attention
• “i gotta go, but i’ll see you around yeah?”
• he waves and jogs off, leaving you in a bit of a limbo
• it wears off after a bit of time and you go back to doing absolutely nothing but flipping through the books again and trying to help some parents here and there get their kid to stand still long enough to sign up
• when the day ends you realize you’re going to have to carry everything back to the library by yourself
• you groan, even though it’s already evening, the sun isn’t letting up and you start to clear the table slowly
• “need help?”
  
• you turn around and chan is there, a duffel bag over his shoulder and a towel around his neck
• “oh it’s fine, the library is around the block so-”
  
• “i’ll carry the table.”
  
• he doesn’t even put his things down, just easily tips the table over to fold it up and picks it up on it’s side
• you don’t even have time to refuse the help again, so you just gather your sheet and books and follow him out of the park
• “are you here every day?”
  
• he asks and you sort of try to put your hand on the table, but chan manages to stay enough steps ahead of you
• “j-just the weekdays. and it’s fine i can carry the-”
  
• he laughs, but shakes his head 
• “two pairs of hands are better than one.”
• you return everything to the library, usually you get a mini lecture about the lack of kids who’ve signed up, but this time even the librarian seems starstruck by chan’s looks and friendly charm
• you are trying to think of a way to thank him without looking like a fool and stuttering over your words
• when chan points to the left, “i gotta take the bus home.”
• you blink and point in the opposite direction, “the bus is that way.”
• chan’s ears go red and it turns out he’s the one stuttering as he explains that he only got here at the beginning of the summer so everything is new and confusing
• without thinking you go, “if you want i can show you around some time.” 
• realizing only after you’ve said it how forward that is 
• only chan brightens, his already cheerful smile seems to glow stronger
• “i’ll take you up on that offer!”
  
• you say goodbye to one and other - and you try to ignore the thumping of your heart in your chest but it resounds into your ears
• so loud you can barely hear anything else as you make your own way home
• i mean, he’s just being nice. he seems like the type to do that - just be nice to be polite. so let’s not think anything of it.
• hyunjin is out sick again the next day, he texts that a summer flu can last up to a week! to which you reply to with several choice emojis, but once again chan is there at the end of the day
• helping you carry everything back to the library
• you finally learn that he is definitely working at the soccer camp and he moved from overseas for school
• when you ask what he’s studying, he gives kind of a faltering smile and says he’s going in undecided
• something seems sad in his tone - and you think it’s a little contradictory to move to another country for a university program you aren’t even majoring in
• but you don’t push it and confess that you’re kind of iffy on your future too
• chan seems to perk up slightly at your openness, he jokingly goes: “becoming an adult is harder than you think, right?”
• you heave your shoulders in agreement but go, “it’s inevitable though. we all have to grow up some day.”
• the librarian ignores you completely this time, fawning over chan for his kindness
• when you say goodbye to each other this time - chan says he’ll help you tomorrow too
• tomorrow comes and finally hyunjin is back, but even so chan still shows up when it’s time for you two to pack up and hyunjin immediately reads his gaze 
• becoming aware of something you are still clueless too
• picking up the stack of books, hyunjin leaves you to help chan with the table
• of course, chan carries it himself, and you just keep stride at his side and listen to a lighthearted story about one of the kids at his camp
• this sort of becomes a routine for the next week or so
• chan shows up after work to help you and hyunjin pack up, but hyunjin always insists on leaving first - giving you and chan the alone time of the five minute walk to the library 
• you suspect hyunjin is doing it on purpose, and you think he’s teasing - but chan always seems to give him a look that hyunjin reciprocates and you just can’t seem to read
• one day, chan shows up an hour earlier - he says work let out right after afternoon practice and he thought he’d come by and help you and hyunjin out
• you tell him he’s free to come fry in the sun with the two of you, to which chan asks
• “sounds like you’re not a summer person?”
  
• “the sun and i are on questionable terms.”
  
• chan looks around and clicks his tongue, “and there’s no shade in this park. well maybe this will help?”
• he pulls a light sports jacket out of his duffel bag, walking over to you and draping it over your head - the darkness of the fabric enveloping you before you can fully register what’s going on
• “kinda like a sun cloak?”
  
• chan says, squatting down a little to lift the collar hem and look at you
• the distance between your faces goes from a lot to very little
• up close like this - chan is somehow even more handsome, you can make out the strong lines of his jaw and the way his nose curves down almost perfectly.
• he opens his mouth, but no words come out - you both get lost in a seconds long stare
• which hyunjin breaks up with a loud clearing of his throat and a, “you two really just need to get a room.”
• chan shots back upright and almost tips over from the speed, his neck goes red and he tries to say something back to hyunjin who just tilts his head knowingly in both of your directions
• you can only do one thing - pull chan’s jacket over your face
• when you finally emerge, hyunjin is gone and chan is sitting in his place and twiddling his thumbs
• you tell yourself to think of a way to make this less awkward, but your mind is blank and you’re stuck between dying from the embarrassment and maybe want to find hyunjin and chase him up and down the entire park
• “you know…” chan starts and looks at you - you push all your courage up and look back 
  
• “if you’d like to still show me around some time, i guess it could also be a …. date?”
  
• when hyunjin comes back, he sees both you and chan are exchanging numbers. with a triumphant grin he sits between the two of you and throw his hands over your shoulders
• “so - am i invited on the date too?”
  
• the first place you take chan, when you two meet up on the weekend, is to your favorite fast food place
• only to realize that he’s probably a healthy eater and you try to find something on the menu that is more green and low in carbs 
• but chan just tells you, he’s a person - and he has cheat days - so you two splurge and chan even gets a milkshake after
• when he can’t finish it he offers it to you absentmindedly and you don’t even know what flavor it is until you take your first sip
• strawberry, maybe we are soulmates
• you take chan everywhere you can, you try to fill up the day with as much as possible 
• and as the evening dwindles down, chan comments that he never knew you had so much energy - you always look so down when you’re at the park
• you mutter that it’s the fact that you’re in one place - you should have picked something that at least let you move around
• “you can come coach soccer with me?”
  
• you look at chan with an eye roll and he grins back
• “i don’t have the endurance and i can’t handle more than one kid at a time.”
  
• “ah yeah, then you’d have an issue with your co-worker.”
  
• “who, you?”
  
• “changbin. there’s already one kid too much on my plate.”
  
• you giggle and chan bites back his lip, stopping on the sidewalk as you slow down too
• “is there any place in town that you really love?”
  
• it takes you a moment to understand his question
• “what do you mean?”
  
• “like a place that’s special on another level, i’ve never had one because i move around a lot but people say they have places in their home town that really mean something.”
  
• you think and then nod, chan out stretches his hand 
• “take me there?”
  
• it’s actually on the other side of the park and field you and chan have been spending your summer in
• it’s the side that is more green, with actual shade, but less foot traffic because it’s still dirt in some places and nothing has really been built there for a while
• past a couple of old benches, you show chan a bush that sits between two big trees and look at him with an apologetic sigh
• “i used to hide here when i was a kid. i know it’s not really beautiful, not a sunset on the beach or top of the mountain thing. but when i was smaller i could just sit here and be alone. and the trees always kept the sun out.”
  
• chan looks at the small matted center between the branches, neither you or him can fit in their anymore
• you imagine your younger self there, picking petals off of wild flowers or writing in your old diary
• you look at chan and he seems like he’s also thinking about something, maybe he’s seeing himself there too
• “remember when i told you i don’t know what i want to major in?”
  
• he starts without returning your gaze
• “the reality is my family wants me to become an athlete. actually, not even my family - it feels like the whole world wants that.”
  
• the deepness of his voice falters, like a guitar suddenly playing an out of tune note
• you do what’s natural and step closer to him, your hand squeezes his palm
• “don’t get me wrong, i think it’s what i’m meant for too. i mean - i’ve always been good at it and i like it but-”
  
• this time he does look at you, and the summer moon is suddenly showing its face over his shoulder - illuminating him softly
• “but i don’t think i’ll be happy if i do it.”
  
• “just because every one else thinks so, doesn’t mean you’re meant to do it chan.”
  
• the words fall from you before you can stop them. you know what he’s feeling and you want to let him in on the lesson you’ve been learning yourself.
• “you are meant to be happy, and you’re meant to grow for yourself and not for others. you become an adult for yourself, you live life for yourself and not for any one else.”
  
• he swallows and turns so his entire body is facing your own
• “i want-” he can’t finish the sentence, you’re not sure if it’s because he’s just pausing himself or if he really doesn’t know what comes after
  
• instead he leans in and pulls you up close. he doesn’t kiss you, he seems to waiver because he wants your consent, and so you give it to him with a small tilt of your head.
• that night you lay in bed thinking about everything chan shared with you and what you said to him 
• it makes your heart ache, but when your eyes close you think of the softness and curve of his upper lip. 
• you think about the way he holds your waist with both his hands clasped around you.
• “i always knew he was in to you by the way, that’s why i kept leaving you two in your little love bubble.”
  
• hyunjin says the next day as you’re setting up the table in the park
• “and how did you know oh wise one?”
  
• “he looked at you and it was written all over his face.”
  
• “how come i didn’t see it?”
  
• hyunjin shrugs, “because it was written all over yours too.”
• the days fall into each other again, but now they feel less and less sluggish because chan comes around more often
• bringing his hoard of campers with him sometimes and even changbin who asks you right off the bat how you’d rank chan as a kisser
• chan gasps and covers the ears of the kid closest to him but you shyly raise your hands up to show all ten fingers
• changbin gives chan a slap on the back that resounds all throughout the park
• your dates with chan all endless laughter and conversation and showing him what life is like in this town while also getting to know more and more about who he is
• slowly it comes out that the muscle and sporty attitude is just the top layer to someone who is so deeply creative and passionate about music and the arts
• you have so much new music to listen to because of him and he goes way harder than you expect when you, him, hyunjin and changbin go out to karaoke
• of course chan’s never ending energy is able to be soft and tender, as it is when he kisses you - everywhere he can reach and how he reels in the strength to handle you with the utmost care
• when the librarian sees him give you a kiss before you go in to get your things, she stops you and for the first time all summer gives you a thumbs up
• of course, summer can’t last forever, and the early signs of fall show their face
• the soccer camp ends and you go to the final game - held against another local camp to cheer chan on
• he looks so natural on the field, and he looks even more natural with the kids
• it’s no surprise that a career in sports would fit him - but finally the topic of school comes back up 
• and you sit cross legged on the empty soccer field, chan’s jacket around your shoulders and his soccer whistle you stole around your neck
• and you go
• “have you decided?”
  
• he pauses and tries to give you the look that is supposed to get him out of these situations, it doesn’t work and you ask again
• “i want-”
  
• he stops again and then sits back you get up and stand over him, looking down into his handsome face
• you take it in your hands and ask again
• “chan, tell me the truth and only the truth. what do you want?”
  
• his gaze doesn’t falter
• “i want you.”
  
• he pulls you down and ontop of him, supporting your fall with his own body as he kisses you 
• as much as you want to let him leave you breathless, you pull back and open your mouth to tell him to please be serious
• but chan knows what you’re going to say before you do so he finally blurts it out
• “i want to do music. i want to major in music.”
  
• a smile blooms on your face - chan swears it nearly brings back the summer sun as you embrace him with a flurry of happy noises
• he rolls you two over and grins down at you
• “now that i told you, can we go back to kissing?”
  
• in the future, years down the line, you look back on this moment with him and chan swears he wouldn’t be here - doing what he loves - if it weren’t for you
• as you look around his music studio, you see all his hard work, you say that it was all chan
• the stupid summer sun had a little to do with it back when you were younger, but you’re never going to admit that out loud
• when chan gets up from his work, placing his headphones on the table and letting you lead him out to get dinner he jokingly goes,
• “so summer wedding?”
  
• “never in a million years.”